Keeping it real

[Zues126]

OK, before y'all hate me...here's why I broke the rules. First...I don't believe there is an OM. I've thought about it, I just think she's searching, or there was one and but it wasn't too serious. Just my read on the sitch. Second, it's clear this is bothering her, so I want to be sensitive to not causing her more distress. Third, I worked in the part about not self medicating...I didn't outright say I quit porn 2 months ago (and the change in attitude towards that topic I'm working on) but I thought it was important to work it in on the chance that was a hangup for her. And while I did express interest in the M, I don't think I was pursuing too hard. Well, it's sent...I'll live and learn.



***I’m so glad you’re feeling safer, heathier, and happier with yourself. Though I’ll never know exactly how much pain you’ve been through I understand we wouldn’t be in this situation if it hadn’t been act of self-preservation. This is never how we wanted things to go between us, but the healing and joy you’ve found is something that can never be sacrificed.

Considering the role I played in that, for me to talk about what I want just hasn’t seemed fair. If it helps in any way to know where I’m at then I am willing to share. I hate divorce too. I wouldn’t want to go back to the spot we just left either, but I am interested in the possibility of building a better marriage together. At the least, know that I am committed to doing better with the co-parenting role.

Either way, the need to do a better job across the board has been my priority lately. I haven’t seen anyone else. Just more self-medication, something I’m trying to avoid. When I look at things I’ve done in the past to feel better temporarily, I now see the damage it’s caused to myself, to you, and to the relationship. Not where I want to invest myself. I’m feeling better than I have in a long time because I’m starting to see that I can take care of myself and get through. Doesn’t mean I’m not broken up about the situation, only that I will meet whatever comes head on and be better for it. I know I’ll be in a great marriage in the future. Right now I can only see you as I picture what that looks like. But I completely respect and understand whatever your wishes are and have only compassion for whatever has to happen for you to be your best self.