Not sure what to do

[KGirl]

Hi Bob,

It may seem like I'm popping up out of the woodwork here, but I felt a strong desire to respond to what's going on here. If I put myself in your wife's shoes (which I think I can do somewhat, as my H is the one who wants to leave/wants a divorce and I don't), why would she extend an invitation for you to come over? I wouldn't if I was already feeling rejected and knew my H was filing for D.. in fact, that's the exact advice we'd give her if she was here, to not pursue you. Reading through your text conversation it seemed completely reasonable to me. You asked if she needed help, she said no, what's there to be upset about? She didn't deny you anything. So far you've offered to help if needed... but if she doesn't need help, why would she ask? Again, I wouldn't.. I wouldn't want to seem needy and like I need to see you. I'm with claire on this. One of the things we talk about quite a bit on different threads is codependency and asking direclty for what you want, rather than couching in it "but he/she should KNOW what I want and if I have to ask it's not worth it" and then being resentful when you don't get your needs met.

I'm pretty sure offering to miss an annual event with my 80+ year old father (who lives in another state) is a very clear request to see the dog.

This type of communication is just asking for misunderstanding/expectations/resentment.