I have been pretty quiet with my wife since Thursday night when I went "dark". I can tell that she has noticed but she tends to just do the same to me. We really have not spoken. I went to yoga this morning and did not ask if she was going. Turned out she was going and was in the same class. We did not talk and I left after the class and did not speak with her. Ironically, a super hot woman set up next to me (she could have gone any where in the class) and I sense my wife (who was a row behind me) noticed this. Later, I was practicing guitar on the front steps and she asked if I needed something from the store (where she was going). I said no thank you and went back to the guitar. Then, I was reading on the couch and she came into the living room to read as well, sitting on another chair. She could have sat upstairs or outside. We did not talk of course but I thought it was interesting that she sat near/with me. It seems to me that she wants to lure me back as she has done in the past so she can keep her two options open. Later, I took the kids to Dairy Queen but decided to ask if she wanted to go. I don't want to be a total jerk. I said "I am sure the kids will want you to come." She said she was doing stuff but would be ready shortly. I said we were leaving then and just left. When I got back, she looked pretty miffed that I did not wait for her, saying "I went upstairs to brush my teeth and when I came outside you were gone." Of course, I need her to understand that I am NOT happy about her A but I also do not want to get into a "battle" with her to see who can be a better parent without the other involved.
I will continue to be "dark", detach and GAL. I decided today that I deserve better. I deserve a W who loves me, who wants to be with me and who appreciates me for who I am. I am a good father, person, friend and husband and do not deserve to be treated this way. I respect myself and my kids to much. As my friend told me, sometimes bad things happen to good people. But what defines us is not what happens to us, but how we deal with it. I intend to emerge stronger and better. While I want my W and my family back, I cannot control her, her actions and her feelings. I cannot control who she texts. I only can control myself. So I have decided to go back to martial arts two times per week. I have good friends there and will benefit from the GAL and getting out of the house and away from her. This also will show her that I am moving forward with my life.
Lots of love to everyone. Remember, we all deserve better than this. No matter what we did during the M, we did not force our spouses to have an A.
Me: 40, W: 40 M: 15, T: 18 D - 10, S - 7 D announcement 6/7/2014 A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W) Still living together and sharing same bed
Later, I was practicing guitar on the front steps and she asked if I needed something from the store (where she was going). I said no thank you and went back to the guitar. Then, I was reading on the couch and she came into the living room to read as well, sitting on another chair. She could have sat upstairs or outside. We did not talk of course but I thought it was interesting that she sat near/with me. It seems to me that she wants to lure me back as she has done in the past so she can keep her two options open. Later, I took the kids to Dairy Queen but decided to ask if she wanted to go. I don't want to be a total jerk. I said "I am sure the kids will want you to come." She said she was doing stuff but would be ready shortly. I said we were leaving then and just left. When I got back, she looked pretty miffed that I did not wait for her, saying "I went upstairs to brush my teeth and when I came outside you were gone." Of course, I need her to understand that I am NOT happy about her A but I also do not want to get into a "battle" with her to see who can be a better parent without the other involved.
