Thank you all so much. You all have such great ideas and it really helps to know that someone out there cares enough to take the time to help.
I woke this morning to my W texting me about money! She makes $8,000 a month and I'm avg. about $2,000 right now and she is all upset because she thinks that using the health savings account (that was full when she left) is still her using "her" money. You know this is a community property state and half that money belongs to me up until she and I are D. I course, she wouldn't see it that way since it's through her work. She starts out asking me to pay for D19's prescription and telling me that she just bought our D14 contacts and put $30.00 into her school lunch card and took both D's to the Dr. and how it isn't "fair". I text her back that I just bought D19 contacts (her mother refused to do it) and that is a lot for me right now. I point out that she has access to the HSA to pay for both girls scripts. I tell her that I need to find out how to add to D14's school lunch card as the web site isn't very good. I said as long as D19's script isn't one of the really expensive ones (she has had $300 ones in the past) that I would pay. I ended saying that when D14 lives with me I'll try and see if she would take her lunch. Nothing bad there. Nothing that she should get angry about. But this is a MLCer so I get back a spew about how SHE had to pay for D14 school supplies, and SHE took her to the Dr. and SHE had to buy her school clothes and that something has to change. Of course, I bought my D14 school clothes as well, my W just doesn't think about what other people have done or are doing. My D14 had all the clothes she needed for school when my W ran away. If she wants to buy her more stuff that she doesn't "need" why should I pay for it? As for my D19, I have done more for her than my W has since she left the house. I have bought her things for her apartment, food, taken her out to eat, bought her contacts while her mother has ignored her or lectured her.
So, I put on my DB cap and texted back this "I understand and I'm not saying I'm not going to pay for her contacts, lunches and stuff. I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. Just let me know where (D19's) script is and I'll find out how much it is." OK, I was calm, validated her (when I really wanted to take her head off!) and let her know that I was willing to pay for the thing she started out asking for in the first place. So, W texts back "I just think we need to talk and come up with a plan". I haven't responded to that one yet.
I have a feeling that she isn't liking this being on her own stuff. Why does she want to talk anyway? Every time we talked and came up with a plan, she went and did exactly the opposite of what she said she was going to do! She said she wasn't going to a lawyer, a week later she went to see a lawyer. She said she wasn't going to file, that we would just separate and a week later she filed. We came up with a list of things that she would get from the house and then caused a scene because she tried to take something not on that list and I asked to keep it. I told her and she agreed not to just come to MY home and take things and she still came when I wasn't home and took things! When we "talk" she can't seem to keep her word on anything that we agree to so why even bother?
I haven't responded to her last text yet. The one about talking and coming up with a plan. This is what I mean about her always causing more and more stress. I can bet that she was talking to her father and he is telling her that I need to pay more and I haven't done enough. He like to stir things up as a way to control, the a$$hat. I really don't need this right now. I'm just trying to hang on here and the last thing I need is my W starting this chit up today!
Any ideas on how I should respond to her wanting to talk text? At this point I didn't respond as what I wanted to say (about how talking to her is useless as she just does whatever SHE feels like no matter what we agree to) wouldn't really help the sitch!
