I got a text for OW by mistake once. There are just some things you can never un-see, you know?
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
These stories of mis-sent texts and emails is heartbreaking but I want to bring a tiny bit of levity to these tonight...
can you imagine their realization of that mistake?! I can't help but chuckle a little. Oh, ooops, I sent this sexy/sensual/lovey text/email to my WIFE and not ow. Maybe, juuuuust maybe one of them though "gah, i'm a jerk"
and let's not even talk about the psychological implications (Freud said there are no mistakes!) of that. Not that these guys would ever be introspective enough to consider that but it's interesting.
Not that these guys would ever be introspective enough to consider that.
Did you see the study that showed that some people, guys in particular, would rather administer an electric shock to themselves than be alone with their thoughts? Eye-opening.
Hey Mlp . How goes the battle . Thanks for the pep talk and words of wisdom the other day . I just read about the truth dart you give H > Can you explain or was it just a joke ? I love those Coyote and Roadrunner cartoons by the way . Im gonna pull up a couple on youtube and watch them right now . Thx Dawgy
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
Hey....I see that one of my last posts here isn't here now...So, I guess I'll try to sum up.
After weeks of not talking about OW, it came up last week. He had texted me while I was at IC, and I didn't respond, so he wanted to know where I was. I told him....And he was surprised to hear that I was still IN IC since I'd been "so good" in the last couple of months. (Detached, acting as if....)
Ok...well...
He wanted to know what IC and I talked about, and I said lots of things. He felt bad that he was responsible for the fact that I even needed IC.
At any rate--we got to talking about OW, and their "friendship" and it seems like she's very much in the picture still, which isn't a surprise since they work together. He thinks they will always be friends. I said I didn't see how I will ever approve that. I let him know that I think he's a liar, and that made him angry. He feels like he had been honest with me until he saw how much he was hurting me...since then, he hasn't LIED...he's always been honest if I asked (well..almost always), but he has taken to more secretive behavior to protect me.
Apparently OWs husband knows about the relationship and is okay with it. The mind boggles. H doesn't understand this either.
He asked me what I want. I said I want a reset. I want a monogamous marriage with honesty and trust. He thinks we can have that. I told him I want a life without OW in it at all. He thinks that is impossible.
He doesn't think he's having a MLC. He thinks I am. He might be right.
Then I told him that D15 knows about OW. He flipped out. How did she find out (she found a book about infidelity in my drawer and asked me directly), why didn't I lie, why didn't I tell him right away....
He almost didn't come home that night. He didn't want to talk to me. He did talk to D15. He told her that he'd never lied to me. He told her he's not having a MLC.
Later, he and I talked again. He cried, saying that he would dump OW for D15, but not for me. D15 deserves to believe that her dad is faithful to her mom. He wasn't going to dump OW for me though - it was only for D15. He told me that for years he had felt suffocated. That he had hoped I would die in a car crash. He doesn't feel suffocated anymore.
Later that night, my parents told me that they wished they'd gotten rid of me earlier in life (they sent me to boarding school) because I talk so much in the morning.
Yeah - it was a pretty awesome day for me.
Anyway - the next day we went to a wedding. He held my hand during the service. I honestly feel so detached that it doesn't feel romantic to me...I have no idea WHY he's doing it, but he is. This week he's texted me every day from work. He's thinking of me, he loves me, he wants me to know blah blah blah....It doesn't feel real. It sounds like a 14 year old boy talking, honestly.
So - am I in MLC? Maybe. Certainly transition. I'm changing. I need to work on my trust issues with the people that I love and setting boundaries with them. (This is almost hilarious, because I'm good with people at work and with my kids, but not my parents or H. Fan-flipping-tastic. This should be fun to work on right now.)
In the meantime, H just invited me to London for a week in December. Do I want to go? Yes - yes, I do. (I lived there as a college student, and I'd love to see it during the holidays!) I'm wondering if I should, however....Ah - it's complicated.
It's always complicated.
In the meantime, kids are getting ready to go back to school. D and I have talked after her conversation with her dad, and she's mad. She gets why I'm hanging in there, though--kind of. I told her - we're friends. I love your dad. She knows. Cold comfort. H wants to write her a letter. He wakes up in the morning and says, "I feel like D is looking at me funny these days. I want to write her a letter to tell her how I feel." Oh boy. I don't even want to think about that pandora's box.
I'm thinking about signing up for a voiceover class and taking some knitting classes. And my consulting job is pretty busy right now...so that's good. Maybe I'll take the German Shepherd to some nose work classes or Schutzhund classes. Now that summer is over it's really time to start GAL.
Oh, and I'm going away for the weekend by myself in a couple of weeks to run a marathon. So, that's coming up. Woo!
Today was an interesting day. I woke both H and me up in the middle of the night by talking in my sleep....That was a little bit funny. He was saying this morning he had hoped that he could steer the conversation for me. No dice, buddy.
Anyway - it was a day of real detachment for me. GAL works! I had a client to meet with (I'm a college counselor) and then had offered to help a friend decorate a church for a wedding. I was busy busy busy all day and felt great. H finally texted me, "When are you going to be home?"
Things that stay the same: I don't contact him at work. I don't go into his office at home (he has communicated with OW so much from his home computer that I just can't go in there...and this really bums him out. He KNOWS this is why I don't go in there. Occasionally he tells me how upset he is that I don't go in there.)
Things that change: I'm different. I'm more focused on me and less focused on him. I don't spend as much time ranting about how awful this is. I don't talk about much of anything at all with him - he brings up conversation almost always. That was different this morning, but I don't see myself being a conversationalist with him again. This morning I told a funny thing that had happened the day before and he said, quietly...."You're so beautiful. I love hearing about your day and listening to you laugh again."
And while a part of me was delighted to hear him say it - another part of me thought...well - don't get used to it. We are a LONG way off from the days where we did this ALL THE TIME.
Anyway - I found myself humming, "I don't care anymore," today. Honestly. Work on me because that hot mess can't get out of his own way. Nothing I can do about it but let the rocket blast off and burn out. The other option would be to burn down the landing pad, and I'd rather save myself.
He's changing. Today I saw some of the frustrations that come when he can't get the whole puzzle to work. Oh well. I suspect we'll be watching that for some time. He gets grumpy and agitated. Fun times.
All in all, it was a pretty good day for me, which is a nice way to feel. It only took about 10 months - LOL. Get a life and detach. It really is pretty spectacular.
The AA and NA groups are interesting actually...My IC thinks that affairs are essentially another addiction. I've been interested in going to a meeting or two, but have been steered away by the AA folks who don't want me unless I have an alcoholic to deal with. (I get it, but I still think it could be valuable!)
I read this on another thread and it made me sad. By AA did you mean AlAnon? If so, there are open meetings that anyone can attend and no one asks why you're there. It'a rare person who doesn't have someone in their life whose alcohol use is a problem.
AA mtgs are often closed but they do have open meetings. Because of the anonymity factor and the things that are shared you can understand why they don't want a peanut gallery.
There's also Families Anonymous and Codependents Anonymous.
Last edited by labug; 08/31/1406:19 PM.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
