TRAITS Emotional Distancer (predominatly male) SEXUAL STYLE: Pursuit SENSE OF SELF: On the surface, aggrandized self; strongly individualistic. In reality, pseudo-individualitic. Individualistic only in a supportive environement, such as at home, in presence of, but but unresponsive to, his partner. Does things in his own way, through defiance or passive resistance. A leader and self-initiator. Sees the world as centered on himself. Tries to be the center of attention. Feels unappreciated. Overly self concerned and self protective; always looking out for self. Difficulty perceiving others point of view. Prefers independent activities with buddies not organized group activities. Chooses to be different for its own sake. Experiences his individuality to the exclusion of relationship. TRUST: Highly suspicious of others and relationships with them. Pessimistic about other's motives. EMOTIONS: Primarily object oriented. Relates to and puts material things first, feeling and people second. Results in an overemphasis on thinking and logic. Fear emotions and emotionality. Avoids them. Unemotional, and affect is elusive. Impossible to tell his feelings by looking at or listening to him. Only emotions expressed regularly is anger. Either explosively and briefly or passive-agressively, as if he's not angry when he really is. Self-gratifing and unresponsive. Little sympathy for, or empathy with others. Feels little for others or self. EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES: Overprotective. Needs a lot of "space" RELATIONSHIP SKILLS: Lacking SENSE OF RESPOSIBILITY: Underresponsible; feels little resposibility for his situation or relationship. Tends to blame others. Most comfortable emotionally(although not truly happy) behaving like a baby. CAPACITY TO CHANGE: Lacks insight and/or follow-through. Inability to adjust. Clings rigidly to position regardless of circumstances. Resists direct change. Tends to evolve rather than cjhanging directly in response to circumstances. Will change when faced with loss of significant other. Rejects advice, couseling. Solutions must come from self. Frustrates others' efforts to change them. RYTHYM OF INITIATING CHANGE: Tends to be overly "patient" Procrastinates. Avoids facing relationship problems. Prone to relationship paralysis. PATTERN OF EMOTIONS: Little variation. Tends to be reasonable, but boring. Depends on their pursurer for highs and lows. RELATIONSHIP EXPECTATIONS: Expects the pursurer to always be there. Prone to despair and self-pity when not fulfilled. PERSONAL PROBLEM-SOLVING STYLE: Avoidance. Seeks peace, avoids emotional crises. Believes if you ignores a problem long enough it will go away. CONTROL AND MANIPULATION: Strives to maintain central position to protect self from getting hurt. Manipulates enviornment to meet their needs. DECISION MAKING: Decisions made and then clung to regardless of changes in cicumstances. VIEW OF LOVE: Overemphasizes practical aspects. Minimal expression of love, sharing, or romance, expect when courting or pursuing a distancing partner. TYPICAL BELIEF: Love is fine, but it doesn't pay the bills. SEXUALTIY: Physical enjoyment takes precedence over caring. Sex seen as conquest or performance, not shared experience. Objectifies Partner. SUBSTITUE ACTIVITIES: Overly involved with objects, e.g. sports, cars, house(for prestige), work, sexual liasons(conquest), alcohol. SELF-DECEPTION: Believes overemphasis on individuality brings a sense of security, self esteem, contentment. Fears emotional closeness. Believes they can evade a pursurer. DEMEANOR: In later years: boring to be involved with. Arrogant, cynical, pessimistic, negative. Prone to self-pity. FACIAL CHARACTERISTICS AFTER FOURTY: Appears emotionless. Dark circles under eyes. GREATEST RELATIONSHIP DIFFICULTY: Denial of problem. Avoidance of relationship issues. TYPICAL STATEMENT: "I like myself the way I am and you should too. If you don't like me the way I am, you're free to leave. I give you a comfortable life, don't sleep around - what more do you want?"
