Are you trying to force some movement because you're not satisfied where things are right now? I totally understand that.
But you're trying to force her to react to something...whether its with a relationship talk or with you moving out. She's on her journey and it's not about you. That particular crazy has to play itself out. It's a house of cards, too. You know it. At some point it's going to come tumbling down.
Now - I'm not saying you SHOULDN'T separate from her. I think about it all the time. I wonder if this wouldn't hurt so much if I wasn't living with H. I don't know. I know it hurts living with him. I know there is a serious disconnect between what he thinks about the situation and what I think about it. He doesn't understand why it's hurting me, he doesn't understand why he can't be friends with her, he's totally befuddled that I think this is a problem, which is, of course, mind-boggling to me.
In the meantime, as time keeps ticking away, I see stressors happening. He said to me last week that the relationship "isn't good for work." I have no idea what that means, and I didn't ask him to elaborate on it. I don't know if people have started gossiping about it, or making accusations, or if it's simply distracting them from doing their jobs. Dunno. Now our D knows, and this is very troubling to H. The wind is starting to blow The question is, is our marriage also a house of cards? It might be. I'm not sure.
What I do know is that it's taken me a LONG time to start working on myself. I need to work on myself OUTSIDE of my marriage. While I know there are things that I can do that will make me a wife who can fill some needs that H found outside of our marriage, I need to do things that are good for ME. Not for H. Good for me. Things that will make ME a better person whether or not our relationship ultimately sustains.
Stop thinking about how things used to be. They're not like that now.
If the separation feels like it would be right for YOU, then yes...do it. If you're doing it for a reaction from her, then it's not the right thing to do.
