Elsa,
Just read the whole thread, your situation is full of promise.

My advice, given your husband's actions and words is to be very consistent in avoiding any and all initiation of R talk. This is what's giving him anxiety, leads to most of your conflict, and gets you out of your best self.

My IC told me on Thursday that sometimes talking about the R is the worst thing you can do. I'd say, if he brings it up, validate his expressed needs and concerns, but hold off for now on yours. Give him that breathing room. There's a big 180 for you.

You've essentially been in piecing mode this whole time because, while your H may say he's not working on your M, he's staying connected w/ you, so he's working on the M. Do the 180s that he needs to see from you to feel better about your M, then be patient for him to believe the change.

Focus on being the W only a fool would leave. Have fun on your dates. Enjoy the affection he shows (most of us would give our right arms for that much positive from our S). Read the 5 Love Languages if you haven't and try your best to love him in the way he needs, when the opportunity presents itself.

Finally, I'd suggest you learn to be OK with being in limbo for the foreseeable future. He needs time and limbo w/ hugs, kissing and ML beats the hell that is the alternative.

Patience may be the most important thing in the world for you now. Do more of what works and stay out of the cheese less tunnels.

Me: 34 W:33
T: 10 M: 6
S: 6 D: 5
BD: 5/14
Still together(ish)
Not giving up: 7/14
D talk has slowed, a lot.
Gradually working on things together. Still separate bedrooms.
Slow and Steady wins the race.