Amoeba Whisperer: "Stay in your OWN Petrie Dish!"

[GoatGal]

Okay. I just got home from dancing.
I want to say "I HATE him."

There are some good things to report, like he noticed my dress and hair, commented on the Chinese theme, even said "that's a pretty dress."

This is way more than I would have gotten in the past, so I'm pleased.

But I just came home from an evening where I was joyful---doing something I really excel at, sharing that joy with others, being with people who love me, appreciate me---think I'm talented and funny and sweet and sexy and smart---and then I come home to GUBU.

GUBU, clutching his smartphone, pretending to be asleep so he doesn't have to speak to me...

GUBU who, most of the time, acts like I have the plague.

It's hard to swallow.
I question why I am even holding onto this idea that there is something worth saving.
I am happiest AWAY FROM HIM.

He doesn't find me funny or kind or attractive.
He no longer values the best of me, the things that I have to offer that make me unique.

To him, I'm disposable.

That whole thing about "wanting what you can't have"?
Sometimes I think this is less about him than it is about my pride.

I know I'm worth pursuing, worth fighting for.
But IS HE???

I'm not sure anymore if I'm fighting for this R because I want HIM, or only because I am insulted enough that I refuse to be the "dump-ee."

Anyhow, it's late, I'm tired...

I'm also inspired.
I feel so good about what I can do. In so many ways I am absolutely in my prime.

It just hurts my heart and wounds my ego that the person I trusted and gave everything to DOES NOT VALUE ME.

More to come tomorrow. Time for sleep.
Good night, fellow DBers.

This was a straight-from-the-heart, unedited post.
I may regret it in the morning, but it's the truth at this moment.



------GGG