Well Folks, I am just not dealing well lately. I have zero drive, can't sleep at night (when I do fall asleep I have very vivid, not so good, dreams) and feel like sleeping during the day. I have no GAL activities planned and as it's a holiday weekend and I have no family of my own but my kids (other than my W of course but that doesn't count) not much for me to do as most people are out doing things with their family. My funds are low (not dangerously so but getting there, I really need to get some sales at work!) so I can't do anything that costs too much. The few friends I have are either fairly far or couples and I feel odd with them now. I just can't seem to get a break from the stress. Every time something good happens, my W ruins it by pulling some new, stupid stunt. I find out some new thing about the school my D14 is going to that isn't at all what my W said it would be that I can't do anything about it. Then I blame myself for believing anything she said in the first place.
I know I need to get myself in gear and together. To work on all the things that I need to work on. To stop letting myself get caught up in the craziness that my W is causing, the damage she is leaving in her wake. It's been too long that I've let myself wallow and be a victim. I need to be like Heather and keep moving while at the same time allow myself to feel the emotions, just not let them slow me down. I think it would be easier if I had my D's around more.
I just need to get my head back in the game. I need to just get myself in gear and realize I am on my own and nothing will change unless I do something to make that change happen! I feel like my responsibilities have increased as I can't count on my W to do anything she should for the girls. At least when she was still here I had some control over my D14 and knew she had at least myself around if she needed anything. None of this is new, it's just that sometimes it all just seems to bother me more, like now.
Oh, well. Just venting a bit. I'm going to try and get some sleep tonight and see if I can't get some GAL plans in place at least.
