G, it's crazy-making isn't it? Sometimes when I let my mind wander I wonder if we will EVER really understand each other because even if the communication is as transparent as it can be, we're still going to ascribe different meanings to the same words. And that's not just a problem with my H, but with (potentially) anyone.
If your H is avoidant, it's possible that he doesn't want to come out say, "It's over," and is trying to drop hints instead. But, for it's worth, my H has said similar things to me and YET he has consistently also said that he wants to work on the R (even if he needs some more time before he thinks he will be ready to do so).
"Separation was a good decision" could mean that he's enjoying being single, or that it's help him gain some clarity about the M and what he could do differently.
"I'm not asking you to wait for me" could be a subtle attempt to convey a lack of hope, or it could be guilt. My H said something very similar in the early days of our S. When I asked him about dating other people during the S, he said, "I don't want to or plan to, but I also don't feel like I'm in a position to tell you what to do because I'm leaving you." When I asked if my dating would end our R, he said, "No, it would actually be kind of validating if you dated other people and still wanted me in the end." A few days later I asked him about this and basically said, "You don't really think that, right?" He said, no, he absolutely didn't want me to date other people, but he also felt like he wasn't in a place to say that.
"I'm not at that point" could mean that he's done, or that he's not ready to reconcile.
I will also say that my H tends to phrase things in a way that sound awfully ominous, but then when asked for clarification it turns out that's not what he intended at all. It's actually something that our MC called him out on a few times. (An example: During our 1st session with the old C, when asked about his goal for MC, he said that he was "committed to the process" of therapy. To me, it sounded like he was willing to do MC but ambivalent about to the outcome. After the session, however, he told me that what he meant was that he has the best of intentions and he wants our M to work. The next week, the C expressed surprise that that's what he'd meant by the words he used.)
The problem is that really being able to understand someone else generally requires their participation. It's difficult with a WAH, that's for sure.
