[gan]

OK - so I won't contact him but I will use this forum as a place to keep working through my own thoughts on this. What if he thinks he's already communicated the end to me and I'm just not hearing it? When we met up 2.5 weeks ago he said "separation was a good decision" and he "wasn't asking me to wait for him". When I said that my hope was that we would still find a way back together he replied with "I'm not at that point (yet?)" (might carry a dictaphone to our next meeting so I can go back and analyze over and over - joke). Is it possible he could think that these statements clearly communicate his decision that this is the end? (Surely not?!)

I actually agree with the first statement since it has certainly brought some new perspectives (could we have achieved this while still living together - I think so, but there you go). As for the second statement, well I take that to mean that he feels guilty about what's going on and so by saying that he's not asked me to wait he's trying to relieve some of that feeling. I guess it does also convey that he thinks I am waiting for him…so that could be a problem from a DB perspective.

One of my new post-separation insights is that I missed important clues about his unhappiness because I was too focussed on trying to convey my thoughts on a situation rather than being more curious about the meaning in his words with a view to really understanding where he was coming from. I'd like to say that this is one of my 180s but I'm not having much opportunity to practice it given the limited communication. I didn't probe into the meaning behind those statements when we met because I think it would be too much right now and I was trying to avoid R talk.

Am I missing clues here?