Today was an interesting day. I woke both H and me up in the middle of the night by talking in my sleep....That was a little bit funny. He was saying this morning he had hoped that he could steer the conversation for me. No dice, buddy.
Anyway - it was a day of real detachment for me. GAL works! I had a client to meet with (I'm a college counselor) and then had offered to help a friend decorate a church for a wedding. I was busy busy busy all day and felt great. H finally texted me, "When are you going to be home?"
Things that stay the same: I don't contact him at work. I don't go into his office at home (he has communicated with OW so much from his home computer that I just can't go in there...and this really bums him out. He KNOWS this is why I don't go in there. Occasionally he tells me how upset he is that I don't go in there.)
Things that change: I'm different. I'm more focused on me and less focused on him. I don't spend as much time ranting about how awful this is. I don't talk about much of anything at all with him - he brings up conversation almost always. That was different this morning, but I don't see myself being a conversationalist with him again. This morning I told a funny thing that had happened the day before and he said, quietly...."You're so beautiful. I love hearing about your day and listening to you laugh again."
And while a part of me was delighted to hear him say it - another part of me thought...well - don't get used to it. We are a LONG way off from the days where we did this ALL THE TIME.
Anyway - I found myself humming, "I don't care anymore," today. Honestly. Work on me because that hot mess can't get out of his own way. Nothing I can do about it but let the rocket blast off and burn out. The other option would be to burn down the landing pad, and I'd rather save myself.
He's changing. Today I saw some of the frustrations that come when he can't get the whole puzzle to work. Oh well. I suspect we'll be watching that for some time. He gets grumpy and agitated. Fun times.
All in all, it was a pretty good day for me, which is a nice way to feel. It only took about 10 months - LOL. Get a life and detach. It really is pretty spectacular.
