Not trying to hijack this thread, but I think the question is valid for oad as well as others reading. But would you not agree that dropping the rope and 'loving detachment' are different in execution? If so, why is loving detachment promoted far more than dropping the rope?
This is just my opinion. For most LBS newcomers, they simply have a very difficult time with detaching. Many do not understand the concept or the how-to and think it is acting cold, angry, etc. I think that is why the term "lovingly detaching" came about, but I am not positive.
I do agree that loving detachment and dropping the rope are different in execution. That is not to say one has stopped loving their S if they drop the rope. Loving detaching implies that the LBS still hopes for reconciliation and that the detaching is only temporary.........or perhaps it is the way it is inferred by the newcomer. Dropping the rope, if done properly, is moving on with your life and no more tactics or strategies trying to get the WAS back. It is with a sense of finality, and I believe that is why many newcomers can't do it. I think it does resemble that you no longer hold on to hope of reconciliation. You make a decision to amputate that emotional rope from your life. She is free to do whatever she wants and you won't interfere. You live the way you want, without considering her reactions to what you do. There is no more "family" events where you and the ex spend a day together with the children.......like one big happy family. Why? Simply put......you live as though you are already divorced!
I have read many posts from people who claim they have dropped the rope......and yet it is so obvious many of them haven't. Dropping the rope is not a gimmick to draw the WAS back to you. If that is your goal behind DTR, you may not genially be able to accomplish it. And as I said earlier, some people aren't able to do it unless they file. I'd just say not to do it to just get her reaction!
Let me also add this. When the LBS finally DTR, many times the WAS will become more interested with R. ( That is why we advise newcomers to pull back and leave them alone. ). But anyway, bear in mind, that once you accept things and decide to move on........there is that chance of the WAS wanting back. You may or may not want to enter back into a R with them. That is up to you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
