Nitty in a Nutshell (Help! I'm in a nutshell!)

[Shakspr]

Nitty:

W and I ML 11 days ago , 4 days after she filed (and held hands, too!). I prayed all night that this could be a breakthrough, as there were definitely two people linked tightly (and we all know the difference.) The next morning was not bad, but not good and I asked her if anything had changed. Her response, "Why would you think that?"

I responded calmly, "Because I prayed all night that we cuold begin healing." She said, "We all want to heal, but I haven't changed my mind about anything."

Detachment, for me, at that moment was my first DB win. I calmly said. "I understand completely," and walked calmly away. My heart broke a little, but you know what? SHE CAN'T EVER DENY WHAT HAPPENED." Not to herself, not to me if it comes up. I have had no expectations ever since.

So enjoy the calm between the GrittStorms (tm). Laugh in the face of them when they hit! Heck, the madder his texts are, the more fuel you have for mediation. He might want to begin considering that. Likewise, he may be cozying up to get more of what he wants in mediation.

WHO CARES?

You are holding the cards to your future. He can only control his own actions.

Tactical note: Rather than telling him "We have some of those monthly financial things that you need to handle," which puts him on the defensive, ask a question. "Since you have shown a desire to be more friendly lately, and thank you for that,"(validating/appreciating) "what do you think is the best way for us to manage our monthly financial statements without getting under each others' skin?" It puts the ball in his court in a non-threatening way.