1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 5

[Train]

Oh, there's no doubt about it, Starsky: you KNOW I agree with your overall position. NO doubt.

I also believe mr. mdu can be influenced to sh!t or get off the pot. But (again, from where I sit) I'm not sure *mdu* is quite at the point of being able to get *herself* in the position to move in that direction, though I do see some indications she's getting there. (Sorry for not speaking to you directly here, mdu, but you're off the boards for a couple days, right?!?)

I think, even with the dual-track approach, that it's best for a woman to be laid back, easy-going and even a little flirty in face-to-face interactions when possible and appropriate ... especially once the WAS seems interested in working things out. I also believe a little "mystery" is beneficial.

IMO, if you can hold off on trying to rush things once H nibbles on the line, mdu - and if you can do this CONSISTENTLY - we will have a better handle on this situation in just a couple months. And I think mr. mdu will start to drive the ship a little; he's already proven he can and *will* when he responds to mdu's "light and breezy" by asking her to join the family on beach trips ... or asking her why she didn't stay after the hockey game. But each time he makes a move forward, I think what freaks him out the most - mdu's "control" and outbursts in the relationship - freaks him out ALL OVER AGAIN, and he backs way off. It would freak me out, too, if I was trying to test the waters of my M.

I'm not sure WHAT boundaries mdu could/should put in place; her situation is different than mine in that mr. mdu says he wants to work on things and has ended things with OW. My H was just a prick through it all. But I *do* think there's a way to thread the needle where mdu can be light and breezy and also give off the impression that she's moving on. She, in fact, accomplishes just that each time she chooses to GAL and focus on her own journey. Her PMA - even here on the boards - skyrockets. But it's never consistent. I think the road to possible-piecing in this case will BEGIN when mdu's expectations and rushing END.

I hope all that makes sense.

I just think mr. mdu is ABLE to bite ... but he hasn't seen the *consistent* changes he needs to commit to said bite.