He looks like he got punched in the face. He's pale, gray, grubby looking. Like he had a dinner of salt water and bourbon. (Maybe he did.)
He's still trimming his beard in the way he knows I hate. Just stubble. It's not flattering on a man his age, but he's said that he wants to look like those 50-something guys on the (VIAGRA!) commercials.
(If that isn't a clue to his MLC, I don't know what is.)
He doesn't believe me that he looks better with his regular beard/goatee combo. That looked great, very distinguished, and pretty hot. Now he looks like he's trying out grunge.
And yes, people.
He arrived with bags and bags of LAUNDRY. Can you say "TEENAGER"????
At least he knows I'm not going to be doing it!
And on top of all these dirty clothes he's apparently been hoarding, there is--I kid you not---a TIE-DYE TEE SHIRT?
He's clearly anxious, can't talk to me without wringing a rag in his hands, eyes darting all over the place.
I asked if he was okay with burying little Eleanor tomorrow. That was fine, we agreed tomorrow would be best. No mention of his "talk". I'm not even going to bring it up.
We had a brief discussion about the tractor (broken, like so much else around here), I validated him having the skills to fix it. "I didn't before" he said. I laughed and said "Guess you do now though, talk about your learning experience!" I was very upbeat, happy, just getting stuff from my car, not exactly out there to talk to HIM, if you know what I mean.
He talked about the tractor with some decent eye contact, seemed pretty relaxed, talking about how he fixed this and that. You know, all about how great he is, just on a lower level.
He asked about my weekend schedule again. "When are you leaving?" "Are you dancing/DJing...? etc."
I don't feel this is interest, just him pinning down when I might pop back home and surprise him. Which might lead to sudden death, apparently!
I told him about my plans, very excited, super fun stuff, playing blues Ukulele at the after party on Sunday night, swimming in the river (skinny dipping, actually, late at night, but probably not for me and I didn't share this part!), just great fun with friends.
It's gonna be awesome! ----------------------------------------------------------
THEN he led into "did you see I got the power washer?" (How could I NOT?) I knew this was coming...
He bought it last week, I didn't mention it, then it kept moving more and more into the foreground of the garage until I almost tripped over it.
This is about staining all the new decks. It requires cooperation, preparation. Things he'd prefer to avoid.
Last year's deck talk was that he thought I should have done this all by myself last summer when he was off schtupping Ho-worker and showing up at ten, most nights, saying he was "working late" and me buying it. (Incidentally, now he leaves work about 5 every day!)
He was unbelievably cruel during his affair, berated me for not getting this done alone, for actually wanting some assistance with things like, oh, I dunno... climbing a ladder two stories up with a bucket of stain in 90+ degree heat! ---------------------------------------------------------------
Anyhow, a few weeks ago he said "Why don't YOU buy the STAIN already????" He was all ready to buy the stain, and we weren't even close to that part of the project. I had to use my best DBing to try and keep things on track.
He just resists planning, cooperation, compromise. I have to avoid coming off like the "planner" but really, we can't do things his way. He has NO PLAN, and then he gets angry when things aren't working or don't come out right.
I have tried the "natural consequences" approach and just let him fail. Over and over. I have watched him do shoddy work that he used to do well, without saying one word except to thank him for doing it.
But working together, I can't put myself in the position of him getting angry with me for not being a mind-reader, or having an opinion. I just don't want to ruin anything else around here if I can avoid it.
Anyhow, I let him lead this about the decks AGAIN, let him give all his thoughts, validated, we even had a bit of a plan by the end...I just know how he hates being pinned down on anything, but is very happy pinning ME down whenever he can.
He wants to be able to PREDICT what I do, while being vague and open-ended himself.
If anyone has any insight on this ^^^ I'd love to hear it!
I said "Well, we can schedule a few weekends so we can get it done, if that works for you."
He mumbled something like "yeah, sure.." and then just walked away. ----------------------------------------------------------------
Bizarre. Well not really. He just wants things to magically fall into place without having to say a thing. He's always been this way.
So I just walked away! Or should I say: "Sashayed with a sultry hip-swinging walk, taking my time and letting him see my A**ets! " ---------------------------------------------------------------
I do have a PMA---BUT: It's sad to see him looking so over the hill and, frankly, not well at all.
Is this a happy man, moving on in his life? Sure as heck doesn't look like it to me.
I'm still doing INFINITELY better than poor old GUBU. Really, I don't even like him anymore. He's just a shell of his former self. As angry as I get with him, I can see he is suffering. I find I care less and less since he continues to take it out on me in some form or another.
He can't seem to see that I'm the best thing he's got in his life...
And that's the latest, dear readers!
Stay tuned for more updates--LIVE!---- from the Triple G Ranch!
-----GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
