One giant leap forward! - Part 10

[T1000]

Thought I would do a quick update. I find journaling hard if I don't have a bad issue to deal with so this a bit of a behaviour change for me.


I've just had my kids for the last 8 days and I'm taking them back tomorrow. It's been so good! Prob won't have them longer than weekend until xmas now. The weird thing is thats feels totally normal.

I'm currently only in contact with W via her mother for the kids or her L. The other week she kept the kids from me for 3 weeks to punish me. After I did see the kids they were upset when I dropped them off and she was asking why...so I told her my thoughts. She blew up in the street going crazy! I left. Her mother emailed me having a go, W had fabricated a story about me and gf shouting and swearing at her in the street and kids getting upset.
I phoned her mother, told her what had happened, she had a lot to say, a large amount of it was total rubbish W had told her. I told her what had happened about not be able to see or skype the kids. She seemed surprised and said it wasn't right and that for the time being I should contact W through her.
I have agreed for now. It's a bit long winded and slow but it's kinda nice to have a half decent straight thinking semi fair person as a middle man that has a little bit of influence on W.


Looking at my R with gf I came to the realization that I tend to completely remove affection and just do things for her. As much as she appreciates things being done for her it's the love she needs to feel.
I flipped that around, if i feel the urge to do something for her, whether I still do it or not I show her some affection. It feels good.
It's funny, when I do things like this I sometimes wonder what difference it would have made in my M.
I believe it would have done wonders. The only thing now is I don't think my W is a very nice person. Even after completely removing all the negativity from the BD, the lying, the D, the money, the kids....she just isnt a person I would like to have anything to do with.
I feel like a bit of an idiot, I put up with so much nasty things before and after we got married.
Gf never attacks me because her life isn't going to plan, sometimes I find myself waiting for it but it never comes. I have some personal traits that W used to scold me for, I'm not the most social person, thats not to say I'm rude or a hermit or anything it's just not my thing.
Gf is fine with this and accepts me. To W I was a miserable bastard.
There is lot more to it than that, thats just an example.
I realize I may be slightly jaded from the last few years.

I find strange that in the time I have been with Gf W and I moved in together, got engaged and started planning the wedding. Way too soon.
At the end of the day I wouldn't have my kids without her and that will always count for something.


I received W's financial statement the other week.
At first look it appeared as though she was struggling. After going through her statements with a fine toth comb and noticed she hasn't claimed some massive amounts of money it isn't the case.

I have a really good job and I'm paid well above the average wage. When you add up all the state benefits, tax breaks, child maintenance blah blah etc. After tax W's income is 25% more than I get! Thats unbelievable!
My statements are house bills, debt bills and very limited food bills.
Hers are house bills, debt bills and massive food bills. Eating out, makeup, clothes, shoes, holidays, nightclubs, money from boyfriend, money to boyfriend, amazon, ebay and on and on...
Her monthly food bill is my 3-4 month food bill. It's totally ridiculous.

Hopefully it will work in my favour. Shes claiming she desperately needs spousal maintenance and that I'm improving my home entertainment system while she gets further into debt struggling to cope. Luckily her statement shows the opposite. She's stated that she isn't in an R but again her statement show the opposite.

Being able to not work at all and earn the same as a bank manger or doctor. Makes me wonder what chance I had to repair the M in the first place. Shes now living the monetary life she wanted years ago with luxery of not having to actually work.


I think that will do for now. Hope everyone is keeping their chin up.