[gan]

Thanks, ladies, for stopping by and also for putting out a call to the vets to chime in. It's interesting that there are a few of us LBW here who are all in their mid-thirties. I do feel like this age might be a bit of a cross roads for a lot of people.

I hear you telling me to be patient…I can do that, a least for a bit longer. I'm moving soon and so there will probably be good practical reasons to get in touch with him.

LisaB: the exact text response was "Thanks for the invite, but tonight does not work. Also, I sent an email about the joint account. Do you agree with the figures and are you ok with the transfer." So aside from not volunteering up an alternative date, he hassled me about having not responded to an email he sent THE PREVIOUS DAY. That email was in response to an email I sent 5 DAYS PRIOR providing info that HE REQUESTED vis a vis sorting out the remainder of our joint expenses and tax returns. So I thought I'd use his reply email to propose that we meet up. After he declined to meet up, I responded to his email 2 days later (it's not urgent stuff!) In addition to saying it was fine to go ahead with the transfer I added "I know this is a hard time for us both and I appreciate the effort you are going to to keep things cordial." Maybe that was unnecessary but with him rarely sharing his feelings I rarely get the opportunity to validate. When I did see him a few weeks ago he said he was sad about things so it seemed reasonable to acknowledge this in the email. I do think he's consciously trying to be polite. Thoughts?

Elsa: D is a funny one. Early on when he was still living in the house and I'd not found DB, I dropped the D word instead of S and he was adamant that "he never said he wanted that." At the time I think he might have been under the impression that one could file for D immediately (we have to be S for 12 months here before we can file). I can see him thinking that it takes some pressure off…he does't need to confront the issue now (and it makes him sad to see me so why put himself through it)…but then 12 months from now saying we haven't had any meaningful interaction so let's just D.

Reading over this I can see that I'm showing a few weaknesses (mind reading for one). It's just such a tough situation (no news there for any of you) but the avoidance and family history does add a different twist I think. I see on your thread, Elsa, that people keep advising you to stop initiating, but like you, I question where this will lead in our situations. Guess I will find out...