On the brink, need a miracle

[Onguard]

Thanks Shodan. It's interesting that I find your sitch better than mine. My W is trying to come out of the fog and she is also a total alien. I asked her today, "Where in the world did you go?" It also sounds like your doing a much better job of execution than I am. i know what to do but doing it is another story. Have fun, be light, be upbeat, no serious talk, no pressure. But tonight for example, we went to dinner. Just the two of us. I don't have much to say to her so we had a lot of silence. The conversation feels forced. We talked about the kids, the weather, our plans for this weekend. A number of times things got awkward. She mentioned getting a gun and I joked that I would need to buy one too if that were the case. She said that she would be getting it if she lived alone.... Then she talked about her new single friend who is dating a very wealthy guy who is 25 years older than her... Then she said she saw a gorgeous woman at her gym this morning and that I should "look her up". The whole time I was just staying quiet and not get sucked into serious talk. Finally I had to say something and her response was "We are not supposed to be having any serious talks." It's like a skit from SNL.

Her moods are shifting quite a bit lately too. Earlier this week she was depressed and crying a lot. But today she had a serious chip on her shoulder about me and my need to have serious talks. She said, either live with what I can give you right now or don't, I really don't care. It's statements like that, that really make me question my sanity for sticking around. Part of me wants to let go and move on. She knows how much I love her and she is using it against me. I wish I had the strength to remove myself from the equation. Maybe one day...