Living with WAW who will not leave

[Casey]

There is finally some movement from the limbo I am in with WAW.

Today I confronted W about neglecting the bills for which we both share. Her response was that she didn't have any money. I asked if she was planning on moving out. She confirmed that she was, and said she had already looked at an apartment. I told her that that was good; in fact I approved of her getting an apartment on her own, but added firmly that as long as she remained in the apartment with me she would pay her share or I would start cutting off extra and optional services like cell phones, cable, and internet, which she would then be free to get on her own. She then said she didn't have any money because her college courses and books were expensive and she had to pay the full cost because I made too much money for her to receive student aid (at taxpayer expense), and that she had to save money for her new apartment and for bringing her mom out here from Central Asia to help her with son when she was on her own. I replied that those were all choices which she elected to do, and that she could have them paid anytime she wanted by choosing to end the affairs and bad behavior. I then asked her again if I could expect the money for her share of the bills when she received her paycheck several days from now. Her angry response was that she didn't need anything from me and that I could just cancel those services anyway. This concluded our conversation, and I calmly proceeded to remove her phone line from my account, and then password protected the internet, which is in my name.

Like Torquemada, I then slept like a baby and woke up without a case of the conscience, which would have plagued me in the past whenever I acted decisively regarding her. I realize that this represents an escalation; I see the situation as being one in which the decision to vacate the marriage was made over a year ago by W and the time since has been spent by her abusing my non-confrontational nature and trust. I have decided that certain behaviors such as an ongoing affair and abusing my hospitality are unacceptable. My immediate objective is to force an end to the cake eating, and move out on her own so that the going dark activities can begin to have an effect, since LRT methods have been ineffective.

It feels good and empowering to stand up for myself and follow through with establishing and defending boundaries. I will continue to work on GAL, detaching, and improving myself. I honestly do not care if she ever comes back from her fog as I continue to protect myself and move on with my life.