bud, I completely understand what you are saying -- 100% -- but either we believe in our stand, or we do not. I do not mean to sound harsh. I am beginning to understand after a year that this is an all-in, or all-out game. There is absolutely no timeout.
I agree that it feels good to be looked at as attractive and kind and loving. It feels good, in part, because victims generate sympathy. That is what you are getting when you place yourself in these situations. It is not kindness, or love, or care.
Let me put this a different way: do you think you would get those warm eyes coming at you with a smile if you told them EVERYTHING about what happened in your marriage?
You know, the really fun parts: being a sponsor of terrible communication, showing questionable interest in taking care of their needs (as well as our own), considering their work as "mom" similar to our work at the office, not spending enough time learning and doing the HARDER work of being a solid dad, being too centered on being the provider and not a partner to the person you love?
These are themes that run through every single marriage break. I could be wrong, but I bet these women would not be quite as sexy and understanding if they knew everything.
I do not know what I did, either, dawgy, but I do know now what I could have done to be a better person, a better dad, and a better man.
People who really love each other do not give up on the other person. Either I did something that helped her give up on me, OR I did not do enough to help her through something that had nothing to do with me...whatever the case, it does not matter. I am not giving up now -- if she really ever questioned how I felt before, she will never have to question it again -- regardless of whether she comes back to me or not.
