First post - My WAH story

[Jacket]

Why the rush to send this email out?

In H's mind, this decision was made back in April. He feels like a LOT of time has passed already and that this announcement is overdue.

[Jacket]

Thanks for the quick replies, everyone. I really, really appreciate it.

[Jacket]

OK, I went and talked to my friend and she pointed out that it does seem classier if we send something out together, like we're committed to staying civil with one another and working on things together. I do agree with that. Here's what I came up with, having modified what H had drafted and making it feel more true:

To our dear friends and family,

Sometimes life takes an unexpected turn, and for us, it means going our separate ways. We know it will be quite a surprise to many you and in some ways it is to us as well. Although we are not on the same page about our impending divorce and are sad to part ways, we remain friends and want what is best for each other. Reach out to us should you wish.

We love each and every one of you.

With both our hearts,
Jacket and H

Does this seem less gooey??

[pilot]

Not to be rude but so what if your H feels it is over due. That by no means translates into you doing something you are not comfortable with. If you are ok with emailing then write your own version in your own words. If you are not ok with emailing then set a boundary and say you prefer not to air your personal business to others.

Best of luck!

[Jacket]

I just feel stuck because I did agree way back in April that we could send something out together to let people know, then asked to defer to when I had moved out officially. I feel like I need to honor my word, even though he's not honoring HIS marriage vows. Sorry, I'm not bitter or anything.

Happy Friday, right? Blah.

[pilot]

No quit thinking like that. It is not like you promised something with a clear head. You can simply say you have thought about it and changed your mind. People do it all the time. It has nothing to do with honesty and honoring a commitment

[Jacket]

The advice I'm getting from people here on the boards is that it is our business and since I want to R, we shouldn't be making this big announcement about D to people, especially since he hasn't filed. But, my H has said he is DONE and definitely wants to D. This is not merely a S to him. One of the things that pushed him farther away before was that he felt I was not respecting his decision. He felt like by me trying to hide it from people, I was not honoring the fact that he no longer wants to be M and that I was not accepting the inevitable, that we are divorcing.

H feels it would be wrong to just change our status on Facebook without telling our mutual friends about it beforehand. I agree with this actually. It is clear that he wants to change his Facebook status soon and present himself as a single person. Our families know. My friends, who are not connected to him, already know. His friends, who are not connected to me, already know. The only people who don't are our mutual friends. I do agree they should and feel sort of bad that they will be the last to know. What I'm trying to figure out is the best way to tell them. I do see the value in us presenting a united front by sending an email out jointly. It shows our friends that we do not want them to have to choose sides and that we are still friendly with one another. That we are not angry and bitter. It is important, if I do want us to R, that H feel that I feel that as well. By me insisting on NOT sending out this letter, I fear that it makes me seem like I'm engaging in more-of-the-same behavior and that I come off as angry and bitter, which I have been trying really hard these last couple of weeks to disprove.

Do you guys see why part of me wants to send out this stupid email? However, I get what you guys are saying.

[labug]

Sending it or not sending it isn't going to change anything in a big way.

He's free to send out whatever he wants, if you don't like the way he worded it you can give your suggestions.

I wouldn't choose this as a hill to die on.

He wants to be done with it, let him be done with it.

[Jacket]

Labug, thanks for helping me put things in perspective. What do you think of the version I drafted, up above?

[pilot]

I see why. But I see you as trying to justify something you really don't want to do. I mean if your best reason is to keep y'all's Facebook world happy then you really don't have a strong argument for. If they are your close friends then call them.

Not trying to be harsh but trying to help you see this simply does not need to be done. At least not today.