I'm in a bit of a rush and would have to go back and re-read what stage you are at with your wife, but I would draw the line at NO-CONTACT/TRANSPARENCY, and not at FEELINGS.
Her FEELINGS for you, after she ends all contact with OM, will take -- I hate to say it -- anywhere from 6 mos. to 2 years to FULLY return. She'll get over the "pining" (hard withdrawal) after just a few weeks, but it's going to be a long slog of you two working together at the marriage for her feelings for you to fully return. It will be full of fits and starts, and some of it will be very good.
But that's all IF and WHEN she agrees to end all contact with her OM. Has she agreed to do that, and to be fully transparent with you? If she DOES agree, then I think you're being unfair to expect her feelings for you to return so soon. If she DOESN'T agree, then I wouldn't be vacationing with her until she fully commits that OM is gone.
