How to Fling an Otter

[LoisB]

Thanks so much to everyone. YOU GUYS are the BEST!

We had a miracle of no small proportion yesterday.

MIRACLE: A tire on the Jeep BURST yesterday in the driveway. The tire coulda burst on our way to/from New York and/or Detroit. I was strapped for cash and woulda been in a reallllllll nightmare to get our vehicle towed, fixed, etc... It coulda been an ordeal that all of us didn't have much energy for, given the stress of making this decision, interviewing... INSTEAD, God watched over us and the flat occurred in the driveway.

Backdrop

D20 has planned to go to her Slippery Rock this weekend. She wants to visit her sorority sisters and exchange gifts and etc...

Well, I was on the fence about it because...for obvious reasons...putting even more miles on the Jeep...D20's admission of a drinking problem/with lil to NO action on treating it...all the stuff going on in my life with the job/move/packing, etc...

But, in a weak moment last month, I had agreed and I felt bound to stand by my word. So, I kept my mouth shut, for the most part, didn't bring up even a hint of concern over the drinking (her issue) and simply said that it was bad timing for me, but I agreed and would honor my word.

So, I'm feeling some resentment. Here this D20 of mine has put loads of pressure on me to start fresh somewhere else...really laid that burden down completely on my shoulders. And, she has been less-than-helpful when it's come to really contributing (hasn't given a dime, hasn't helped around the house, has caused some minor blowups by being less-than-sensitive to D12's worries/fears/grief over leaving)...she has even made comments about not going or staying briefly and moving somewhere sunny. I don't sense she would follow through on this...I've told her I expect her to help me for 1 year and she has agreed...But, as always, with D20, there are issues and I've been thinking about my ground rules on this move.

Contribution of $300 per month to help with rental/bills
Therapy and/or meetings to offset her moods
Full-time job

I have no intention of spending another portion of my life living with an untreated alcoholic. Been there/done that.

I turned it over about the weekend away...but, confided to her that I felt some resentment.

So, she helps more yesterday than she has in recent weeks and takes her sister for ice cream and comes home and packs her stuff and heads out. Takes her foreverrrrrrr to get going. D12 and I are thrilled to have a break from her. She drives out of the driveway. YAY!!!!!!!!!

Five minutes later. She drives back into the driveway with a flat tire. REALLY FLAT tire. She begins to tantrum a bit and look to me to solve the problem quickly so she can get going. I tell her, "Sorry, I don't have the cash to fix this right now--at this minute to help you get to your weekend."

She tears up and does the child thing.

MIRACLE: The tire coulda burst on our way to New York and/or Detroit. I was strapped for cash and woulda been in a reallllllll pickle to get our vehicle towed, fixed, etc... It coulda been a nightmare. INSTEAD, God watched over us and the flat occurred in the driveway.

I panicked some and did fall for her shenanigans a bit. I received two blood blisters while trying to figure out the jack because I worried that the rim was going to bend with such a terrible flat. Called a neighbor, she drug her jack over...we all tried to figure out what to do...D20 stood by and watched while we sweated and messed with tools...Then, my neighbor and dear friend suggested that D20 go with her to ask another male neighbor for help. He arrived and put on the spare, added some air, checked the tire pressure...

D20 made some phone calls and found a reasonable tire place. She drove the Jeep to replace the tire...found out, while there, that another tire was about to do the same thing...and she paid for both new tires and the labor. Happy Birthday Heather!!!!!

Resentment is LESSENED!!! I knew the tire was going to need replaced. I had NO idea that is was SOOOOO bad...God watched over and D20 has now contributed!!!

Happy Birthday from God and the angels watching over us :-) AND!!! I get a whole weekend break from D20 to gain some clarity and think about what to put in place for this to work with us all together in New York.

We still owe Slippery Rock $2500 and D20 can't take classes anywhere until that's paid off. I'm thinking...despite the fact I used $6,000-$7,000 of her college fund to help with attorney/bills in recent months...I may have her pay off the $2,500 and I add monies to reimburse her college account. IDK. Thinking aloud.

Something has to give. D12 is really, really struggling with this move and I will be dammmned if I drag her to Almost Canada, only to have her life made miserable by another Dry Drunk.