So I did decline the invite, she replied "Wow, she must be really special to be more important than me and our S" .... I just ignored the comment
Classic MLC: projecting her transgressions onto you.
I think you are doing great, CaliGuy. The blame just sets me off anymore. I'm working on getting a lid on it before I do any more damage in return.
But you sound like you've developed a good Teflon shell.
LOL ... yeat its a spew Jacket with teflon coating, Over the past couple years its been growing in layers ... some things do get in but I never let her know I am wounded. I had posted in someone elses thread a quote that really helped me with this issue .... was from a sermon:
"Hurt people, hurt people." the analogy was that when you come up on a animal that has been struck by a car (Lets call this car WAS-MLC) you are only trying to help ... that animal may very well bite you out of fear. I basically started treating my WAW this way and it helped me detach from the emotion of it.
So ...this morning I dropped of S, was upbeat, she told S to go in and I told her to have a great day and went to leave, she asked me if I had a second. I came in .... she told me she was not feeling well (our little spat last night .... any stress to her effects her physically) .... on top of that her brother is to be sentenced in a month ... (Bad .. guy is looking at a long life-type sentence) she has today off and was worried with everything going on she would not be able to handle our S ... I suggested she take him to a movie since it will be hot out, she can relax and sit there .. he would enjoy it. I went to leave and she asked for a hug .... I looked at her, a little hesitant and she had that rejected look, I went ahead and hugged her .... she hugged back very tightly. I whispered to her that I want to help her, I want to take care of her, but I just can not do it this way any longer. I told her if she wanted me to go up with her to see her brother I would (This is a 180 for me .... I was distant with her family while we were together ... have since apologized personally to each one of them for this behavior and explained why I was that way ... HUGE 180 for me a few months ago.)
Anyways .. I felt good leaving ... sure maybe saying those things might look like pursuit ... but I felt she needed to know, I set a boundary .. I want my marriage and family back but not when it fits her schedule in between her on and off from OM ... I do get the feeling that might just be done for good ... I know she needs to get through the withdrawal phase .. but I do have a lot more hope now than I did a few weeks/months ago ... still .. no expectations .. I am continuing to do what I am doing as it seems to be working.
