Need to figure out how to move forward (thread #4)

[shodan]

The rest of our vaca was pretty fun. My wife actually started being super nice to me and made an effort to be near me. We had a great time with the kids. At one point, we held hands (first time since before the BD) and she was complimenting me. So I started thinking that maybe our talk the other night had some impact and she was struggling with what to do. we got back on Tuesday and had a good night just talking on Tuesday. However, by late Wednesday, she started acting super aloof and was really curt with me. Basically, the way she was right after she asked for the D. Then, she mentioned that her boss was asking about the move to NYC. My W started asking me again about my feelings about NYC and whether or not we should move. This was a change from 2-3 weeks ago when she said no way to NYC. My initial reaction to her change in her mannerisms and the resurged interest in NYC is that she was having even more contact with the OM. Perhaps they even saw each other (we are back in Boston after vaca but my W is off this week while I am working...maybe he came up to Boston from NYC)? Anyway, last night I asked my W about her sudden change in behavior (I know, bad move) and she went back to her initial comments when she asked for the D...I will never change, she cannot change her feelings towards me, she does not hate me but feels nothing for me. Then later last night, I came downstairs and she had hidden her phone under a blanket (I was looking for something and found it under the blanket by her side). The kids were in bed but she was downstairs texting with him. I looked at her and said "you win. You will get what you want. You want to end this M, I will not stop you. in fact, I want you out of the house. I cannot continue to live in a M full of lies, cheating and deceit." I then went back upstairs to bed. She went out a few minutes later (did not take her car). Not sure if she went for a walk or met up with the OM. My W slept downstairs on the couch but I am not sure when she came back.

This morning, we have not spoken except when we walked the kids to school and I said that I was going back and she said "oh, you are going home, I was going to get a coffee" but she said it in a way that expressed that she somewhat wanted me to go wither. I did not. I went home. Now, I am working from home and she is with a friend at the mall. My gut is she is with him and not with her friend.

I am sick of the lies. I am sick of this situation. She is destroying our family. This seems so hopeless right now. But every time I mentioned that we should tell the kids and make this D public, she balks. I wonder if that is my only option...file for a D to show her that I am that serious? But of course, this cannot be a bluff, I realize that. Or do I try Plan B and just go somewhat NC with her...follow Sandi's rules to a T?

my guess is the 2x4 answer is to follow the LRT technique and Sandi's rules and only file for a D if that really is what I want.