I posted a very long reply to this very shortly before the boards went down and now it appears to have disappeared!
So, I realized after a lot of thinking that you're right and I need to detach. I also came to the realization that, while I love this man and don't want to throw away 8 years, I can't stay stuck in one place waiting for him to come to some magic realization.
I'm still DBing and doing 180s. We've had a few R talks that were all started by him -- mostly relating to the past and him doing the talking. I keep listening, validating his feelings, and then reminding him that I can't change the past, only the future -- becoming the person I want to be, shedding the person I was with unhealthy behavior, and enjoying being alive and in the "now". He seems to take what I say and think about it, every time, but so far no budging on the "we need to part ways" thing.
He told me the other night that he talked to the landlord about some things concerning the apartment. I was sure he was about to say "...and I told her that you're moving out in October, not re-signing the lease, and I'm taking the lease over on my own", but it never came. I don't know why he didn't broach it, and I'm trying hard not to read into it.
We're still friendly, as always. Talkative. Watching TV together at night because we're stuck in the same house.
I'm not pushing, trying to be super friendly and "moving-on with or without you" conscious.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
