WAH - chapter 3

[pilot]

She doesn't want a relationship with him, but he wants one with her. So he feels a bit rejected. And yet they are still having sex, having dinners together, talking, being friends with benefits.

He is not with me, in part because of his feelings for her. But he is also not with her, and doesn't really expect to be with her in the future, although maybe he hopes it will happen. But he is still into her. And he is still with her as friends with benefits.

This seems like some kind of limbo to me.

Does their stupid half-assed relationship have to play out before he can come out of his fog? Is there anything I can do?


Hugs, LisaB

I feel like I am hogging your thread with replies

The simple answer is yes, you have to wait. Right now your H is finding out what it is like to be a LBS. He is learning he cannot have what he wants, and this in turn will make him want her more. I think I said before just because they are still having sex, dinners, etc. right now does not mean all things are peachy on that front. She could be looking for a way out, he could be pursuing extra hard, she may feel bad right now, she may feel annoyed. You simply do not know. All you do know is she does not want him long term, and he wants her long term. That usually is a death sentence for a relationship. All that is left is the execution. So in that regards, all of this is a positive. I am sure you do not see how having your H begging another woman for a relationship as a positive as I KNOW it hurts, but your H is finding out right now about the grass not being greener. Things are not as perfect as he thought they were going to be.

Now do not quote me in that his A is going to end soon. I merely think odds are it will but anything can happen.

Best thing you can do is NOT think about OW. I catch myself thinking about my W's affair at times and all it does is make me sick to think I would even want her back. All we do when we think of OW/OM/A is allow our emotions to dictate our feelings. We already know about OW/OM/A so why dwell on it? Just keep at your GAL and keep that PMA.

Remember, even when the A ends, that does NOT automatically mean your spouse will come running. If and when they do come out of that fog, they may be ridden with guilt and be afraid there is not more relationship chance. They will also be fresh out of an A and the fog and still have done NO work on themselves. Getting them out of the A and the fog is just a step, not the endgame.

Keep at it!