I like to read your thread because there are many parallels to what is going on with my W, but you seem to be on speaking terms with yours. Do you feel that is effective to be somewhat available and friendly as opposed to just businesslike or serious and to the point? I quit doing the friendly and available in my situation because I can sense her response is faked and I want the cake eating to end.
At what point do you decide that it is futile and you move on with your life? Or move on in the sense that you start pursuing someone else and accept your W is not coming back?
You know, I honestly mix it up. I go for a stretch it seems where I am friendly and available, and she responds in kind. Then I will go business-like (only kid related) and not as available, she she seems to respond in kind as well. On the surface it would one might think 'well, why not stay friendly?' But either way seems to result in the same stalemate, or non movement. Also our 'friendly' spurts have usually been interrupted by necessary discussions which result in different points of view (such as schools and where the kids will live). I too am afraid of the cake eating, although 25 seems to think that may not be happening. Who knows for sure. I just tend to retreat to NC/only kid stuff when I get confused about what is going on. It is like my safe place.
Who knows at what point you decide it is futile. You can see for some people here it only took a few months and some it took years. Some have been at it for over a year and still working on it. Every situation is different and every person will have their limit. I do not know where mine is, but it feels like it is close at hand short of seeing any movement. I also may just push the issue myself and move the D along. She will either go along with the D happily or she may start to second guess and want to talk R. I just have to be in a place where either way is fine with me before I pull the trigger on that one. I think I am almost there.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
