Nitty in a Nutshell (Help! I'm in a nutshell!)

[Nitty]

It looks like I lost a post or two during the board maintenance. Damn.

(Edited to add: I just missed Shakespr's post! Hey, buddy, we were writing responses at the same time.)

Trying to remember what I wrote Sunday night: I thanked everyone for their comfort, even though it initiated waterworks. I also thanked Shakspr for the verse and the link to the pdf, because they carried me through a rough patch.

I also wrote about how my mediation reprieve was short-lived, rescheduled for early this week.

After I posted Sunday night (and the board gremlins ate my posts), I got some angry texts and emails from Mr. Gritty about all sorts of stuff. No matter how I responded, he just seemed to get angrier.

I panicked and finally called and set up a couple of DB coaching appointments, damn the cost. Full speed ahead!

My coach was great. She helped me write responses to the type of texts I was receiving and gave me a strategy to follow. The angry texts and emails kept coming afterward and my DB responses got kind of iffy. I think I need more practice.

In the middle of all that, a weird thing happened. He stopped the angry texts, and sent me a text about an item on sale at a local store that he'd just seen and told me to check it out. I was like, what the hell?

Then he went back to the angry texts.

The next day was our second mediation session. I wore a nice dress, one Mr. Gritty always liked, put on full makeup and styled my hair. Not dressing up as if for a date, but as if going to a business function or when I have to give a presentation.

I did two minute power poses before the session, recited verses and affirmations, prayed and meditated and updated my requests on a couple of prayer lists I put us on, and who knows what all else I did. If I thought it helped, I did it.

When he walked into the office and saw me, his face softened just a little bit. But he quickly put his grumpy face back on and got down to business.

It wasn't long before I was sniffling and quickly lost the Wonder Woman attitude. Dammit. Maybe next time I'll make it all the way through without sniveling.

It was just so awful sitting in that chair in that office.

As expected, the financial part was the worst. The good part of this story is that our mediator was helpful. He counseled us both on better communication, told H to back off a bit, told me to be more assertive. His support helped me stand up to H when H started to boil over about the $.

After the meeting I got more angry texts, but these were not about $ or the stuff he'd been haranguing me for before mediation... this was about different stuff.

Eventually he stopped. A couple of hours later he sent me another odd text about a medical treatment he'd just had. I responded sympathetically but thought, "what the hell!"

He is so all over the place.

We have another appt next week. I need to get my head on straight so I can face it like the strong, confident woman I want to be.

I am hereby putting myself into DB Boot Camp. I solemnly swear to review at least 3x daily the notes I took during our DB session.

The strategy:

• Focus on rebuilding a friendship, because the R has disintegrated so much. Weve got to be friends again, first.
• "Retrain" H. As soon as H becomes belligerent, say, "You know what, I'm not going to have this convo with you." And stop. If I continue the convo when he is hostile, I'm showing him I'll accept that behavior.

I knew all this before my DB session, but hell, I know of thousands of things I'm supposed to be doing. This is just what I need to focus on NOW.

I was too scattered before. Now I'm just gonna focus on doing two things right.