Since this is first week, I'm only now starting to find out just what I need to do to stay involved more. I'm learning just what my W is willing to do (not much) and what I will need to do. I just have to keep up as I find things out.
Yep, that's part of it, Matt. Schools are well versed in broken families. They see a lot of this type of stuff and have allocations made for it. I went through the same stuff.
Part of this, and only part of it, is that your family is learning what the actions are associated with breaking up. They take time to learn and adjust. There will be more, but you will handle them appropriately. It's in your nature.
That said, just be on the lookout for your W crossing the line, like she did with the screwdriver. Develop a rule for dealing with things as they arise, such as if it helps D, then let it be. Evaluate that carefully and dispassionately.
It'll help you to not go crazy with anger toward your W. She's not the person you knew and has no way nor intention of doing things that you think are appropriate. That's a given. The question that will come up is how you are going to handle things and how they will affect your daughters in the long-term. Everything else is just noise, Matt. Stop being surprised by your W's actions and expect them to be like this. Expect them to be self-centered. Expect her to try and get the kids on her "side" and to be harsh with you if they won't go along with it. You can handle that. Don't try to shield the kids from your W's actions - rather help them process it and get through it.
I can tell you that even all these years later, my ex and now her H are still trying to pick fights, favor one child over the other, etc. Some will "wake up" but many don't. So the question becomes how YOU are going to handle things.
Let the small stuff get to you and you will get worn down. You will cause more damage than not. You'll bring unnecessary pressure on yourself.
Keep doing what your doing, but stop letting it get to you. That's a conscious effort you need to make. It doesn't just happen unless you're nuts-o.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
