Ok, so I have been doing my part, DB-DL ... the GAL and all that .. I posted 2 threads in the Newbie section and now I feel I am at a point I should post here and accept this for what it really is WAW-MLC and by my reading my odds are not good
So ... Just an update to save you all from a long read. I have not been doing a good job at detaching. I have actually noticed that the WAW will cry out for help and I am quick to be there thinking I was proving I have made some 180's and have made some great changes ... which I have. However little did I realize ... I was allowing her a cake-eating-festival. She would drop OM, come to me to feel safe/secure, once I patched her up .. off she flew back to OM. This cycle has gon on for the past 5 -6 months or so. I was using the family time as my chance to be noticed and appreciated ... but it was just filling her needs. Seems there is little glimpses of the girl I know and love ... then she turns into the self entitled selfish person I am not entirely happy to see. However she just started IC on mondays so I was/am hoping for the best.
So lets get this up to date. 2 weeks ago, she went through one of her lows, I went over early in the morning, comforted her and all that only to see her pretty much go dark for a few days (not uncommon) ... that weekend we spent Saturday at church, watched a movie .. and I ewnt home .. Sunday I helped her with errands, and we spent some time together as a family. Then the next week was quiet ... she has been under some stress at work ... WE again hit Churh and dinner as a family, Sunday she comes over and drops off S ... she is dressed up and "meeting a friend" ... I dont know if she went with her friend or OM, either way I have come to grips that there is little I can do .. but I would rather have good intel so I know. Monday she brings up her Counseling session that is tonight ... its a support group at a different church for Divorcees/Separated people .... I dont understand it .. she wants the D I dont .. and she needs counseling .. I was under the impression this stuff is more for the LBS .. then again I might be mistaken.
So I am pulling LRT ... I went dark Monday .. all week really. Yesterday I start recieving texts from her .... at first probing about our S ... then her asking if I was mad at her.... why I have been ignoring her lately ... why I am being so distant ... I tried validating but she comes back with .. I know you better than that ... I again just replied with .. Sorry you feel that way. I went to my softball game, she TM that she had a bad day and wished she could share it with me, "why are you doing this? ... never mind I just dont matter to you" .... I replied later with "Im not sure how you could think that, as you asked I am respecting your decision" (Refering to the D) and then she went on to say .. that it doesnt mean we stop caring for each other. And that she has to let go of us to she can try to heal from so much pain and grief (Yesterday was the 8 year anniversary of our miscarriage) Thing is she only wants me to care about her when she needs it, and she has this date, and other issues .. all understandable .. but she comes to me for comfort then feels better and off she goes again ... this is what has been my downfall.
So ... today she brings up that we need to talk about $$ ... something I am will ing to do, just not going to keep paying for her way of life since it is not going to involve me, she will be getting MUCH less if we D ... something she seems to not realize even after the mediation suggested it to her.
So I keep fairly short and dark, and out of the blue she invites me to go with her and S to the zoo Saturday. I would love to go .. but feel if I do its not taking the strong LRT stand that I need to do ... thinking replying back that I would love to go but already have plans and let it go at that.
