What is your position on taking care of the baby if it's needed? (There is no right or wrong answer here, and I would never judge you either way.)
Whatever it is, have you considered calling a family meeting with the mother's parents, both kids and lay things out with them? What if both of you are in the camp of "we are not the parenting plan"??? Just maybe setting expectations are what will help this situation get resolved without rancor and bitterness?
I happen to totally agree with you. But I can also see life from their perspective. They're naive and they have NO idea how difficult it is being a parent. Let alone parents who aren't married and may not be in the picture in the long run.
The only thing I can say to you is that this can be a teaching and learning opportunity. Life rarely goes to plan. And sometimes there are just huge consequences to our actions. Or the actions of those we love. I know when I was 19, I had something going on that seriously hampered my R with my parents. We got through it, but they were horribly disappointed with me. And worse? I was horribly disappointed with myself. (It took a few rounds of therapy for me to forgive myself, although everyone else had forgiven me long before then.)
But what that ordeal did for me was to give me a reason to recreate myself and create a foundation that I'd spend to build on my R with myself and God, and help me become the person I wanted to be and who I've become. It was truly a turning point for me, and became the reason for me to drop people in my life that weren't quality people with a moral compass and replace them with those who wanted to achieve things in life. I went from being a dumb student to a driven one and made the Dean's list from there on out. And I had some new rules for myself that I've kept to this day.
So what I'm trying to say is just maybe this experience is one that will change their lives in a positive way? And just maybe you're the exact person who can provide the voice of reason and support so that your son knows you *always* have his back?
Love is hard, my friend. The real test comes when the person does something that is difficult to swallow. This path is uniquely his. You're definitely allowed to have your feelings and opinions. But in the end, he's going to need your support. You just have to communicate what your boundaries are and get feedback from them. It may even require you to suggest they get some counseling and prepare for being a parent.
It's totally a bummer that you have to travel this path again. But apparently, growth lies in this experience, my friend. Better accept what you need to accept and figure out how you're going to proceed. Especially given that you have other kids who will be affected by his choices. It is probably going to be really tough. At least for awhile.
But you're one of the strongest people I know. YOU have my total support.
Hugs-Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
