Good for you, Mish! I think you and Wii are on the same page here. I believe in manifestation myself. And you got exactly what you wanted and needed.
I think Wii was just trying to say that it would be wise to deal with that anxiety. I've also personally experienced the manifestation of things that I conjure in my anxiety. And who wants what that brings? He's right that anxiety is often far worse than any outcome. And you deserve better!
Just think back to when you were 18. Did you feel anxious being away from your mom? Probably not. Probably excited about living on your own. It helps me put it in perspective.
I come from a long line of women who leave home - on both sides of the family. It's kind of weird. The men stay put and the women bolt. I was fortunate that my mom was fully supportive when I moved from VA to CA in 1988. Of course, everyone thought I'd last a year and move back home, LOL. I met Mr. Wonderful that year and it never happened. I think they were happier when we moved to Denver. It shaved a couple hours off the plane trip, but I know my family would love to have me back. That ain't happening. Ever.
So when my D20 told me she was going to college in NY, although deep down inside I was happy for her, I really wasn't. I hated the thought. And then one of my BFF's back in VA reminded me that we had both dreamed of doing the same and did. She told me it was what I raised her to do, and if I didn't support her, I'd be the biggest hypocrite on the face of the earth. I finally admitted to everyone that I missed her, and it was the selfish side of me speaking.
Now I've accepted that she will ultimately find herself on the east coast somewhere. That's where the chemical engineering jobs that interest her are. Well, also in Michigan, and she's sworn off their winters because she's come to see that I was right about being spoiled in Colorado. I support her and tell her all the time that planes solve problems. And distance doesn't stop me from visiting my family and vice versa, so whatever she decides to do, she does with my blessing.
By changing what was in my heart, I changed the dynamic between us and my life here in Colorado. My soul is much happier for doing the work. And truth be told, I know D20 has noticed it. We get along really well again. That's the boon of growing up.
Sigh. Now to deal with a really crabby D17. She may have special needs, but she's still 17. And there is pretty much nothing worse than a 17 year old girl. Biatches. Crabby, ornery biatches. And sad to say, I was once one of those total pains in the a$$ too.
Hugs, and be gentle with yourself!
Betsey
p.s. Have you thought about getting treated for the anxiety? It really is much better when you see how debilitating it is. Don't feel bad. I also come from a long line of people with anxiety issues too. The important thing is to take it slowly and be patient with yourself.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
