What to do when an EA involved?

[Hoju]

Thanks bdub, I read your sitch and ours are very similar. One of your recent posts about "ships passing in the night" and not being able to 180 emotional closeness really hit home.

I had been so good about ignoring the OM until I blew it all a couple nights ago. The fact he was in the picture and if it's who I think it is the fact he shared a cigar with me on our wedding day made me actually sick but I was always able to keep it in. As long as she thinks there is a future for them I can't see her wanting to work on our marriage which hurts the most, especially since I've always been the one to sacrifice things to try and make her happy.

I'm not sure how to set boundaries or what boundaries are needed, she doesn't talk about him or where she is going. It's always just down to business of how quickly she can get out and on with her life.

Maybe you can help with an issue i've been having. Often on sunday nights she will come to my room when i'm reading in bed and want to talk about us and see how i'm handling things. I try my best to validate her but then she wont leave and i feel pretty silly getting up after i'm already down for the night. How do i end the conversation without sounding dismissive?