1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 5

[mdu]

Horrible night. Everyone get your 2x4s ready. I know they are coming.

I asked H about doing an in home separation last night. He balked. I was not happy. I don’t understand why he says he wants to work on the M but still won’t fully recommit. I said some things that I shouldn’t have said. I am fed up, I feel like the kids are suffering and I am left holding the bag because I am taking the brunt of the fallout. He just doesn’t see it --- or want to see it --- or care.

Although much of the conversation was contentious there were also moments of connection and honesty. He admitted that he still has feelings for OW. It hurts so much to know that. I have been crying much of the night because of it. But at least he was honest. It seems so crazy to me that it was supposedly just a 4 month affair but now SIX months after they broke up he’s still not over her. Is this normal? He said that he has been seeing an IC and that the thing that has thrown him for the biggest loop in all of this is seeing changes I’ve been making to help our M, especially after what he’s done.

We talked some about the fact that everything went South once OW moved closer. He, of course, has absolutely nothing negative to say about her and the fact that she did that knowing we were trying to work on our M. I think her behavior has bunny boiler written all over it. We both agreed that we’ve been avoiding discussing things since that happened which is very bad because that’s what got our M into trouble in the first place.

I told him that I am very frustrated being separated because I don’t feel like it really gives us much chance to work on the M. We don’t really conflict much while separated, we agree on the kids, there are no issues with money, we agree on house items. I said we are not facing the daily in your face grind that got our M into trouble in the first place. The days of coming home upset about work and taking it out on each other. Or getting so fed up with the kids and then arguing. He thinks that we can still work on the M while separated and maybe we can *some* but I really don’t think we can seriously until we’re under the same roof.

In the end I told him that I am not initiating things anymore, that if he wants to fix all this he has to step up and show some initiative. So I guess now I’m going dark, or as dark as you can with kids. I really need to get some space from him, I am in so much pain, it feels like this nightmare is never going to end.