You have to stop worrying about if things will get uglier, you know they will. You have to stop letting it control and consume you.
Has there been and legal order on where your daughter will live? If not then I suggest your daughter at 14 tears old will have some input into the decision. I agree that you should tell her she has the right to be part of the decision on where she wants to go to school. Things will get ugly if she chooses you and the local public school over mom and her school. Don't let that fear control you or your support of your daughter. I would talk to your lawyer right away and see what you need to do to support your daughter if she makes this decision to move back with you. Be prepared and informed.
Matt,
I really like what Life says here ^^^^^^^^
I know you come here to vent...we all do. It's a safe place to unload.
At the same time, when I read your posts, I envision this little bird being blown away in a storm. It's like you are a feather and your W is this hurricane blowing you all willy-nilly.
What's upsetting to me is that your D really needs you right now to be the foundation in the storm...the unmoving, deeply rooted foundation that she can count on when the winds blow. Maybe you aren't presenting the full picture here because of the vent. IDK. But, I've been that kid blowing in the wind. It's a scary place to be.
W is insane. She just is. In almost every post, you spend the majority of your energy describing her insanity, how she is insane, how she will likely continue to be insane, etc...It's serving no purpose in solving the issues that come up.
In every post, we could sum up by saying..."W is crazy right now. She might always be crazy. She is a terrible parent and sorta terrible person. She may always be this way."
Knowing this ^^^^^^ Accepting this as truth ^^^^^^^ Finish the statement with a set of potential actions. What can you DO to protect yourself, stand up for yourself, stand up for D14???
What ACTIONS can you TAKE???
W is crazy right now. She might always be crazy. She is a terrible parent and sorta terrible person. She may always be this way. This truth is challenging, scary and overwhelming....BUT, I have power. I can protect D14 and myself by _____________________________________________
-Calling my attorney and meeting to explore options -Inviting D14 out to dinner so we can quietly talk and I can get a better picture of her emotional state -Insist that D14 gets counseling -Consult with attorney about what COULD happen if I insist D14 moves back in with me -See a counselor myself to work through the anger and feelings of powerlessness -Read a book on parenting kids through divorce -Join a divorce group....
The point is...There are endless actions you can take to empower yourself. I'm sure you have taken some already and haven't posted them.
But, let me reiterate...IT IS VITAL THAT YOU GET YOUR OWN SHID TOGETHER AND BECOME THE FIRM FOUNDATION D14 NEEDS RIGHT NOW. LET HER VENT. ALLOW HER TO COME TO HER OWN CONCLUSIONS ABOUT HER MOM. LEAD THE WAY MATT.
Sorry to be so harsh...but, I'm sure you will return the favor at some point :-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
