WAH & MLC? - EA/PA - Please Help

[Sam3]

Woo Hoo, Glad the board is back up. I was wondering how everyone is doing the past few days.

Thank You Train for your time!

Eventful weekend. We did have a talk on Friday night. I got some answers to his feelings. He felt ignored, unloved, lack of me initiating sex. I was a b!tch to live with, Baby #3 topic was discussed - he said he felt like he lost trust in me - because it wasn't discussed more. (for the record - Baby #3, was not a plan on my part either) I was not on BC. He knew it, I knew it & I thought we were both taking the "if its meant to happen, it will happen approach)

I didn't present a total transparency plan at this point because I have some good intel to find out on my own if he's being truthful- if he indeed cut ties to OW.

I told him I would like him to send her a text message in front of me. He told me he would do that but that wasn't necessary because he already called her on Tuesday of last week (convenient, huh?) to "clarify" with her that they weren't anything and that he was going to work on his marriage. He said he would "send her a text - but that it would look a little weird - to send her a text again to say "I'm not talking to you anymore" after he already had a conversation with her. And that would be putting emphasis on something with her when there was nothing there anyway." Thoughts on this?

He initially lied to me Sunday morning 8/17 when I texted him about where he was that Sat night/Sun morning until he knew that I knew. He denied the burner phone, then said "well yes I have it but it's not working because I haven't put any money on it again."

I think I'm getting "trickle truths" he's only telling me once he knows that I know. And he keeps saying "why does it matter, we were separated. This stuff was not going on before I told you we were over." Which he said BD was on 5/11/2014 - Mothers Day not on the date in my signature.

He does not volunteer information. Answers questions when I ask directly.

He says he is committed to working on the marriage. He told me he loves me in person, on the phone and is greeting me with a hug & kiss.

I feel like he thinks we can just pick up right where we left off.


He did tell me that if things ever started to get off track in our marriage again that he would be sure I knew it & understood we had things to work on. That he wouldn't just walk out again.


And here's the weird thing - I was pretty much convinced that he would never come back. I'm kind of disappointed - maybe, not sure if that's the right word? that this could be over so soon. I still have work to do on myself. And I know that I can and still need to do that. Just a little harder when I'm throwing his needs & the kids that have to be taken out of my limited time also.

My GAL is continuing. Labor Day weekend was supposed to be my weekend with the kids and I already had beach reservations with my mom for the long weekend. Kids & I are still going. H says he will probably just stay in the town where he works since we will be gone anyway. I have anxiety about this.

Saturday night H & I got a babysitter and went out to eat. The heavy stuff and talks are emotionally draining. Although we did have a fairly long drive in the car - about 45 minutes to where we went to eat, so we did talk a little about our stitch on the way to dinner. I wanted to show him that we could have fun and the new, improved Sam. We did have a really nice time. Went to eat & a local bar on the way home for a drink.

The physical stuff is/was a huge problem for him. So I am trying my best now that I have been given the opportunity. That I can give him what he needs affection wise. Even though part of me feels like I'm faking it. I'm very hurt that he muddied up our waters by bringing a 3rd party in. If our marital issues, were still just our issues - I would have an easier time showing my changes. But, at this point I feel like I need to show him that I can provide him that. Right, Wrong? He wants me text him to tell him "I'm thinking about him" or that "I miss him." I would love to do that. But, I wish I knew he had both feet in before I started being really vulnerable to him again. But, I know that he needs it.

He knows that I need some reassurance right now. He has been good about calling & texting throughout the day and at night. But I have major anxiety when he left to go back to work. I'm 3 hours away. OW lives 11 minutes/4 miles away from him.

Am I always going to wonder what if he's with her? What if he ran in to her? Every time he goes to dinner.
If my goal is to provide any financial security to my family - I don't feel like I can demand that he quit his job right now. He makes a very good salary. I know jobs aren't that easy to find right now. And, the job market locally where we live is just not the same as where his job out of town is.

He has an extended family member that has had multiple affairs on his wife. His family member got caught this most recent time after it had been happening 2 years. H said he "didn't understand why family member would do that and live a lie. Why not do what H did and tell his wife that it was over, before starting something else like he (my H) did."
I said "I don't know if they can come back from that." He said, "well we are." and gave me a kiss. So I guess he's optimistic?

If he really wants to do something with OW, he will. I don't want to forever be that wife that doesn't trust him. And he feels like it's his stuff. His actions will show me what he is up to. Especially if he doesn't know about my intel. Although I was thinking of asking him to download find my friends app on his iphone to give me some peace of mind.

I'm really confused about everything and I feel like I have a mountain of work to do still.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far! Any comments are always appreciated.