Keeping it real

[Zues126]

***Updates*** Got two emails back to back from my STBX:

1. You confuse me a lot. Are you seeing someone? Are you thinking we will get back together? I need to know these things. I'm glad you want to learn about how to raise the kids but I wonder why now. Was it me driving you crazy or do you expect to get back together? I don't know that I can handle either answer but it's bugging me so I have to ask.

2. Seriously why couldn't you have been like this before. You're killing me. I don't get it.

Site was down and DB coach wasn't available so I did my best. I replied with just some generalities, here's the recap:

-I'm trying to focus on the positives, the children and the chance to learn from my mistakes
-The way I was in our R didn't reflect my core beliefs
-With less access to the children I need to step up my game or they won't have me in their life and they deserve better
-I'm trying to focus on the present, trying to control the future just seems like more of the same that didn't work
-I am glad we are doing well coparenting the kids


Maybe it was too long. I tried to remain a bit mysterious and keep it vague. I thought it was progress that she notices I'm doing things differently and acknowledges that she approves. I know, however, she is very mistrustful of all of this and is in no way changing stance on anything.

THEN- tonight she lets me know that the kids had their open house for school and invited me along. I went. First time we'd done anything close to together and while it was a bit awkward at times the kids had a blast.

Anyway, all that being said...back to working on me. I'm having fun, living in the moment, dealing with negative feelings as they come, avoiding destructive behavior, being there for my kids, and really trusting that I can not only accept but thrive with whatever the future holds. Pretty cool. Thank you all for your support along the way.