I was on cloud 9 my 2 good days. I thought I'd turned a page. Funny how I got flipped right back into LBS mode. I'm determined, however, to make every day the best I can. I have a lot to be grateful for.
I think the grief cycles. For me, I'd have a break from the waves of pain and, then, just when I thought I'd felt the worst of it...BAM! Another round of sadness.
I really believe that the key to all this is really feeling/facing what comes up. In my opinion, the rejection/loss brings up all the losses of our past. As much as it stinks, we have been given an opportunity to face the unfinished business of our past. It's painful/uncomfortable/grueling even...but, trust the process, stick with it, stay present and you will gradually emerge a new person with a new strength you never thought possible.
Mighty, I'm so different than the person I used to be. I'm so, so, so much closer to being the person aligned with who God wants me to be. I didn't feel that way in our marriage. I was always being torn down/reduced/belittled...In our marriage, I felt diminished. I didn't believe in myself. I was doing the best I could under some enormous pressure...but, it wasn't who I COULD be. It was a lesser version of me that I was settling for. I was with someone who was afraid of who I could become and that meant he needed to keep me down.
It gets better. It's a process and it has a real purpose.
Imagine childbirth. It's hard, worst pain I've ever felt...I trusted my body...it carried me through...and, in the end, I had this miraculous gift and was willing to try it again. :-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
