Living the dream...one day at a time

[wishing, hoping]

I have made the decision to treat J like a business associate. It takes the emotion out of it for the most part and reminds me that he is human too (albeit not one with much of a heart) and he deserves to be treated with some aspect of dignity and respect. It's an effort, let me tell you. I do my best not to react with anger and to not assume the worst with J, but it's not easy. I have such a wall of defense and my guard is always up assuming the worst. But this is a better way to handle it rather than reacting negatively or simply avoiding him. That's putting off the inevitable.

Sad to say, but I never really got the chance to really listen to J when we were married. I know he's batsh*t crazy but honestly there were times I was defensive, angry and jumped to conclusions. This is really helping me evaluate how I communicate with others. Helps me think about what I say to others and how they might interpret that. Of course, J is no better and is no communication expert either. I think it would take someone with the patience of a saint to communicate successfully with someone like J. That or a magic wand.

But I can't pretend I played no part. I want to get back out there eventually. Time to start heading in that direction.

WH