More confused than ever

[woundedfool]

H gave his notice on Monday. This obviously didn't go well. He only told his boss he was leaving for another career opportunity, nothing more. His boss made sure to tell him she made you unhappy before you left if you go back to her you will be unhappy again. H told me he just replied, it's our decision and our life. I was upset that he didn't stick up for me. We ended up getting into a discussion regarding this --- I need a man in my life to stick up for me. I know I will probably get 2x4s for this but I want someone that's going to stick up for me I have been humiliated by H and this family and just once I wanted him to stand up for wanting to be home vs just taking the easy way out of this is our decision.

I understand that's not necessarily a conversation to be had until after he is officially done there (next weeek). But he just told me he doesn't want to create a problem and would rather just move on. Now he's saying he doesn't feel he needs to send a letter to OW since she's back with her ex and he told his boss that he didn't want anyone to talk to him.

Free advice: You and H did not have a dog in that fight. Remember what I told YOU about baiting?

Well boss was trying to bait H... fortunately, he did not take the bait.

I also think this was more of "reaching" on bosses part to either create sour grapes, or create doubt in H's future move.

Frankly I think you are looking too deep into a shallow well.

I still think the NC letters should be sent so I guess I will bring this up in counseling.

Not a bad idea, but they should be matter of fact. They do not need to include anything other then fact. Essentially, he is burning the bridge, but not to any extent that is remotely close to threatening. think of it containing a line like: I know that our relationship was wrong/innappropriate/etc.

Not sure where this leaves me. Time to go back and REread DR again and again

That is a very good idea. Have you done any of the exercises in there? (listmaking/goalsetting/etc?