Advice with WAW

[Dpthght]

Sandi/all

I tried to reply to your message but I guess it didn't make it in before the server outage. Here is some more background

We met in college, she was a freshman and me a senior. I was her first real boyfriend and she was about my 3rd real girlfriend. We had a great courtship at the beginning and truly up until a few years ago. One thing I must bring up for clarity, 6 years ago I ask for a divorce from her. I was still in love with her when I did and still cared deeply for it, my reason was purely physical. In the talks that followed she told me (this hurts to say BTW), that she hated sex, dreaded it, it hurt, and only did it to keep me around. Obviously that did not make me feel very good. A couple weeks passed and I realized that is something that we can work on and I decided to give it a try. After we talked and she started to discover herself the bedroom became MUCH better. I wouldn't have called it great, but she was enjoying herself and so was I.

In discussions with my therapist that moment was a turning point in my life. I realize now that I loved her but I was not able to forgive myself for what I did to her. It changed me from telling her and showing my love into someone that was trying not to lose her. I gave up a lot of myself in the years that followed and it wasn't the man I used to be, or the man I am starting to become because of this situation.

Our marriage as of late had become stagnant, we just became very comfortable with one another and we lost a lot of that passion every couple needs. She also started to become more focused in her career, something she never wanted to do. She is an engineer and never wanted to live the life of a manager or higher. As of late she started to want that, became licensed, dressed better, took care of herself more, and was even becoming the face of her companies department. I was so proud of her for doing that because she was becoming the woman I wanted her to be. I still support her in that regard and hope she does well in it.

In her talks with me she said she was selfish and what she did was for her and in no way was for us. She understands what I did was for me but more importantly was for us. She recently turned 30 and ever since her sexual drive has started to ramp up. I believe it is for two reasons, 1 turning 30 almost seemed like a MLC. The second, her birth control has expired (mesh) and although it is still keeping her from getting pregnant, it is no longer regulating the hormones in her body. She has also told me she is not longer attracted to me.

As I stated earlier, she started becoming involved (EA) with OM from work that she also biked with back and forth from work. When we separated, she was really looking forward to spending time with him while we are separated. That situation blew up in her face, and she started to just work on her. She knows she left because the grass is green complex (which she admitted it usually never is). However she has not shared any of this with me. I was snooping but I have stopped that as of 3 weeks ago. At least I know what the catalyst was now.

As of now, she has had a taste of that passion and she wants more, lots more, just not with me. She says she is seeing attractive people EVERYWHERE, something she never felt before.

She told me yesterday she was seeing a therapist, which shocked the hell out of me. She also noticed some changes around the house and complimented me on them and also complimented the way I looked (on Monday). I truly believe she is conflicted because I can see it in her eyes and it kills me. I want to tell her (I won't) that everyone makes mistakes, and it's never too late to learn from those mistakes and make this work. She is a very stubborn woman and I feel that she has something in the back of her head telling her not to change her mind. I did not do this on purpose, but I logged into facebook not paying attention and saw I had a message so I looked. Well apparently it was her account (used my computer I guess) and read what she was telling her GFs. The main point was that it was too late to fix anything and then more about noticed OM and even talked about the OM at her work and how gorgeous he was. I immediately signed out and haven't looked at it since.

As for me, I am trying to DB and detach myself from her as much as possible. I don't really see any hope for us except for one thing. She is still living at her friends house and on Monday, she mentioned she might try and find a place to rent for a couple of months. If she was so truly done why wouldn't she just pull the trigger and get it over with? Is she waiting for the therapist sessions to be over? Does she just want to date/sleep with other guys for a while? I am not doing anything to assist her in the D and maybe she is scared to commit to the D.

I am really lost and hopefully what I said is understandable. If anyone has any advice I would greatly love to hear it. Thank you again everyone for being there for people you don't even know.

Thanks