Thank goodness the boards are back! Well, D14 started school and, as I predicted, it didn't go well. Turns out that since D14 lives within 2 miles of the school, she has to WALK to school and home every day. She has to cross I-35, one of the busiest and most dangerous roads in the country to do so! Let's not forget about bad weather, cold, rain, etc. It's a little over a mile! Now, isn't this something that my wife should have looked into? She told me that D14 would be taking a bus, I guess she just assumed that part. Next up, after getting a list of classes that said she was going to be in geometry, she is now in Algebra I, which she already took and passed at her old school (and she worked really hard to get through it and hated it. It took her sister 3 trys to pass it!). My W texts me and asks me to call her old school and see if it's "accredited" and find out about getting her out of Algebra. I thought she wanted to be a big girl, all on her own!
Now back on the first day of school, D14 texted her sister at lunch time how she HATES it there, she knows no one and everyone is ignoring her. She is coming from a school that goes thru K-8th and has a total of 103 kids and there are 400 in just the sr. class at her new school! Then I get a text from D19, she needs to go to the dr. My W has a HSA account through her work to pay for visits and I'm broke so she asked her mom to help her out. Her mom made D19's boyfriend drive her down and meet her at dr. office today (W was also taking D14 to dr. for school mandatory check up that she waited until after school started to make the appt.). So, later D19 texts back that her mom was giving her grief about not "living at home" and how she won't be able to save money, etc. Well, the only reason D19 moved is because her mother moved 30 miles farther away from where she goes to college and she has no way to get there as she doesn't have a car (something W and I planned on getting for her but that went out the window when W "had" to move out). She also doesn't want to live with her mom because, in her own words "Mom is so undependable" (W would leave my D19 at school for hours and hours when I couldn't pick her up because she was "too busy" and "forgot" to get her time and time again).
Well, the consequences of my W's "need" to be "on her own" are coming home now just like I knew they would. To top it off, I got a call from my lawyers asst. today about how W's lawyer is wanting to "move things along" and she wanted to ask me about what parts of the agreement I didn't like and got it all wrong. The main parts are my having to sell the house after youngest D turns 18 instead of my getting the house in return for not getting any of W's retirements, not disputing 50/50 custody, because I cashed in my retirement a year and half ago to live off of because I wasn't making much at my new job (much more than 1/2 value of home) not to mention my paying off a law suit against my W for student loans that she had before we were married (that happened 4 years ago, before she went back to work) and I wasn't at all libel for since it was from before we were M. I did it because we were going to be together forever, yeah, right.
Just like every MLCer, she was all fine with agreeing to all this before she moved out. I was going to get the house, she was going to keep retirements, all the antiques, the best furniture, I would agree to D14 going to school near her, etc. That all changed when her father started to get involved. She even left me with no money in our joint account (negative bal. actually) because she didn't want to pay all the bills (my lawyer later told me that was not legal but it was too late to do anything about it). She has totally turned on D19, doesn't seem to think that D14 having to lose all her friends, go through her parents getting D'd, going to a school where she knows no one and is 200 times larger than the school she went to all her life, losing the only home home she has ever known at least for half the time (and if W doesn't change her mind, totally lose it because it will have to be sold) will have any adverse effect on her life. Heck, my W couldn't even tell D14 herself that she filed for D! All she told her was she was moving because it wasn't "happy here". I had to tell her her mom filed and she was shocked and hurt by it!
The absurdity of the "reasons" my W has for "needing' to get a D is back in the forefront of my thoughts. I know from what I've learned about MLC, she didn't "choose" to become like this. That's fine intellectually, but in the real world all I see is this person whom I trusted and loved doing things that all her life she swore she would never do. She would say how she knew how bad D was on kids because she went through it and she wouldn't do it to her kids for ANY reason. Now I get such ridiculous (at least to most sane people) reasons why all that pain and hurt are just the price for what she MUST do.
I really thought I was past this but I'm not. I just got a text from D14 saying how she hates it there, she is sitting alone "like some loner" (which she definitely is not!)and how she wishes she could have gone to the school she was supposed to go! It's just so frustrating not being able to do anything about it! I feel like I let D14 down so badly. Her sister got a text as well and she is so upset. She said she wishes she could be there with her to help her. I know that I have to step up and do everything in my power to help get my D through this. She will make it. She will get past this and will be better for it. I have to find ways to give her some more stability in her life outside of school. It just feels like I'm fighting against her own mother and that her mother doesn't care if it gets in the way of whatever it is SHE wants.
