I just wanted to chime in about anxiety. I find that knowing I'm in control really helps but REALLY seeing it in black and white makes me let go of the anxiety a lot. What I mean is when it comes to stressing about finances, do the math. How much do you need in the account as a cushion to help you breathe better? Start setting that aside even if it's $10 at a time. Can you eliminate an expense? I know a lot of people who have dropped cable and watch TV only streaming on their computers. This has turned them into readers instead of TV watchers. Take that savings and add it to your "breathing cushion". Every little bit adds up and seeing that will help you feel better.
As far J's circus... I think you need to set a boundary about listening to him vent about OW's kids. That's insane that he'd expect that out of you. You don't play that role for him. If he needs a friend to vent to about her kids, he needs to find someone else.
I'd also have big issues with OW picking on S and J standing around allowing that. I'd document that. That's not cool.
