I am the prize

[daring]

Wow- back from vacation today and there is much to report already.

H had the three boys while I was away and apparently had a really rough week ( due to other stuff- more on that later) but still cleaned, did laundry and grocery shopped for me before I got home today. That was really thoughtful!!

So I noticed he didn't seem too good emotionally and finally we had an opportunity to talk. I didn't push- just said is there anything I can help with?
Then everything started spilling out. He was stressed about call regarding our back taxes and how we were going to pay everything on time. ( especially since he has no job right now and has to figure out living arrangements). Then the biggie- some events this week triggered some memories from his military time he didn't remember until now. Thankfully he was able to keep it together with the kids but said he became physically ill and was in horrible mental anguish. He went to his counselor the next day and the thought is he definitely has some PTSD. He continued to share and then said- " I have no answers about anything- I don't know what to do about us, I don't know about work or where to live. I haven't felt such emptiness and pain in so long". I didn't say much, just nodded and said that sounded awful and did he want a hug. He fell into me and I just held him while he cried ( I cried too- he was clearly in so much pain). Then after some time of holding him it progressed to ML that was clearly an opportunity for him to connect emotionally and he just hugged me silently after.

Later we were having more conversations about our taxes and trimming some expenses etc. It got a bit stressful and he stopped and said- " I have no idea what's going to happen with us and I'm not planning one way or other. The desperation you hear is a weeks worth of fear of eventually being alone with no home or money and I'm probably not communicating well so try not to let this stress you." I stopped and held his hand and said ok, thank you for clarifying. I won't let you be homeless.
Then he said well S19s room isn't going to be available because he's coming home more often. Later I said to him that we could figure something out and convert one of the other rooms if need be. He said I might need to do that for a bit, but I want to do it the right way.
He seemed very pensive and introspective but not in a foggy way, in a things are becoming more clear way.

So this is all extremely positive, and I have a great deal of compassion for him right now given everything he is dealing with. I had no idea about the PTSD and I'm sure the MLC tunnel is bringing much of this forth for him to work through. Right now I just want to help him and make sure he knows I'm here as a friend no matter what. It's hard to stay detached when these things happen, but I know I still have to balance hope with no expectations. Whew this is hard!

I will certainly say some prayers for H tonight. Feel free to throw some in too- he needs them.