Yes WH, it is. The key, in my opinion is recognizing that you cannot change what J has done, but rather doing what you can for your kids to help them. While that's a constant struggle and never black and white, it is something you can do.
Your son will figure out what he's going to do and how he is going to handle things. It'll be most helpful if you, the sane one, can help him navigate that in a healthy way. I'm sure it won't be conflict free for him nor you, but you can more than handle it.
Your kids are very lucky to have you.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."