do appreciate the support here and it really does help me, but I don't really know how long I can keep this up. I still feel the need to push back and try to get an answer or commitment from her. Is it too early for that (not letting the affair run it's course)? I know she is having some tension with the OM too. Though that seems to come and go all the time.
Let me put it this way. Ending, or forcing an end to her A, does not guarantee she will want to stay in a M with you. There have been more stories to support that fact, than those where ending the A was forced and the WAS fell back into the arms of the LBS.
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Is it the opinion that I should act like I believe what she said even if I don't (about the A) - is this part of validation? Ignore, give it time, wait, have patience?
No, b/c that makes you look like a fool to her. IMO, it is not validation. One of the consequences of having an A is breaking the trust of the one who has been betrayed. If the betrayed LBH "validated" his cheating WAW by showing he believes any BS she dishes out.......he not only loses any chance of her respecting him again, but it goes farther b/c she will think he's a dope! He opens himself to being treated as a doormat at every turn.
In summary, you are to act as if you are detached, even if you aren't .
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
