Maybell the VIIIth

[Maybell]

Yes, we both hurt each other.

Thanks for the reminder. Beginners mind.

I found this on you're We're Dating thread. Very timely:


"Yet, what does my behavior convey to him when he happens to behave in ways I do not like? Am I transmitting full acceptance of where he is at in the moment? Or am I transmitting disapproval, through verbal and/or non-verbal communication (i.e. body language)?

Am I still in a place of self-awareness and choice as to prioritize connection? Or am I pulled into reactivity and conditionality? Maybe withdrawing emotionally from him, or withholding the relationship in reactive, subconscious ways"...

"If I indiscriminately buy into the cultural conditioning that love is a feeling, my behavior will reflect that. All emotions, pleasant neutral or unpleasant, change every so many seconds, depending on situations, what need is stirred in us, and what thoughts we focus on and cultivate."...

"Holding love as an autonomous value puts the responsibility of loving and "feeling loved" (i.e. meeting my need for love) on me. I empower myself to care for and look after this seed of love, water it, and help it grow into a healthy, hearty plant."

I needed to read that this morning because my old ways were to use my tone and body language to express dissatisfaction. I withheld affection. There was a lot of "If you loved me then..." both spoken and unspoken.

I'm not that person anymore but I have to practice that everyday in every interaction.